10 Years of Love & Thanks

I have been dreading this post.

10 years of blogging, 6,730,925 lifetime page views, 1864 posts, and 55,968 comments.

Those numbers don't mean anything to me though.

10 years spent writing, 10 years spent sharing what is dearest to me in photos, 10 years of growth, 10 years of change, 10 years of memories, 10 years worth of friendship and encouragement gifted to me by all of you.

Those are the numbers that matter to me.

My family is going through something that is really painful and humbling right now.

If you and I were ever to sit down over coffee (or better yet, a stiff drink), I'd tell you about all of it. I wouldn't hold back anything. I'd tell you about the day everything changed and how I sat in the passenger seat of a dear friend's car, with the window rolled down because I needed air, how sweet her prayer and comfort was, and how I just sat there for an hour and a half without speaking a word before she took me home. I'd tell you how broken my husband looked waiting by the front door for me, and how we sat on the floor of our bathroom together for hours that evening with very few words and what felt like endless tears, wondering how our family could recover. I'd tell you about how it felt to keep drifting off to sleep that first night (and many nights since) only to be stirred awake time and time again by the weight of our new reality. I'd tell you about Ross driving home from Seattle the next day to help us wade through all of the pain and decisions. I'd tell you about a five hour hike Josh and I went on in the snow just because we couldn't bear to be in our own home and how I fell asleep with his arm around me while sitting on a rock on top of the mountain. I'd tell you about the time I spent in the car with Ross driving through the long and windy roads of the Applegate Valley for no other reason than to talk. I'd tell you about the phone call I got telling me that a sweet friend of mind had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and how all I could do was run (literally) to try to find a brief escape from what felt like pain heaping up on top of pain. I'd tell you all the ways in which my husband has amazed me. I'd tell you about how it has felt to watch my kids wade through the depths of this. I'd tell you about how hard it felt to face people I love. I'd tell you about fear. I'd tell you about painful conversations. I'd tell you about the hurt and confusion my kids are feeling. I'd tell you about the first time I caught myself laughing after everything changed and how it made me feel simultaneously guilty and hopeful. I'd tell you about how it felt to write the details of what happened in an email to all 64 of the women in the current workshop I'm teaching (A Year in the Making) and how much they blessed me with support, encouragement, and love. I'd tell you about how I couldn't bring myself to take a single photo during the holidays. I'd tell you what it feels like to experience the judgment of others. I'd tell you about all the individual worries I've felt for each of my kids. I'd tell you about some hard decisions we had to make. I'd tell you about how much I have longed for God's perfect justice to be exercised rather than the faulty justice of humans, which could prove to be too harsh or too lenient. I'd tell you how many times I sat across from my husband, watching him try to hide his tears. I'd tell you about how exposed and vulnerable I felt. I'd tell you about how I refused to talk to God for three days. And I'd tell you about all the people who poured into my life when I had nothing to give them back in return.

I'd tell you the verse I posted (Isaiah 43:18-21) on my bathroom mirror just days before everything changed without knowing how God was trying to prepare my heart for what was to come:

Do not call upon the former things or ponder things of the past.

Behold, I will do something new.

Now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it?

I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.

I'd tell you about the night I sat in my car for two hours, reading a book that had been sent to me by a friend (a student who was chosen to receive a free spot in the current workshop I'm teaching), called Shattered Dreams, God's Unexpected Pathway to Joy by Larry Crab and feeling real hope for the first time since everything changed. And how when I emailed her to tell her how much I appreciated the book, she helped me to see how for eight years (possibly longer), God had been making plans to comfort me and provide me with hope during this time. She said:

"I am aware that there is a reality that my friend, Penny, told me about you in 2007, so that I could tell my friend, Rachel, about you, so that she could take your photography workshop and become your friend, so that she would nominate me to be gifted with a spot in A Year in the Making, so that you would prayerfully choose me, so that during this important moment of shattered dreams in your heart and family, that God would invite me to send you this book. He. is. that. big."

I'd tell you about how I'm learning that if I want deep, unshakable joy in my life, that my hope has got to be built on nothing other than the Lord. My husband is the best man I know, but my hope cannot be built on him because he could leave me, he could get cancer, or he could let me down in 100 lesser ways. My kids are wonderful, but my hope cannot be built on them because there's no guarantee about how they'll turn out, there's no guarantee that they won't become estranged from me one day, and there's no guarantee that they won't break my heart 100 different times. My hope cannot be built on my friends because sometimes, friends are only for a season. My hope can't be built on my career, because I'm on my third career right now, and not one of them has lasted. My hope cannot be built on my health because I'm destined to die one day, just like everyone else. My hope cannot be built on my retirement plan because plans are not promises. And my hope cannot be built on my appearance (good thing I've never been pretty enough to base any sort of hope on what I look like) because the wrinkles and the grey hair, they are a'comin. Jesus is the only thing in this ever-changing world that is unchangeable, and because of that, He is the only safe place to build our identities, our homes, and our hopes.

I'd tell you how I'm beginning to see that I don't need certain outcomes, or a life that looks a certain way, because I've got a certain God.

I'd tell you about how many times I've cried recently, listening to the simple words of this song.

I'd also tell you how confident I am that five years from now (perhaps sooner) I will be able to look back on this painful season of my family's life, and I will be able to see all of the fruit that came from it and will be able to use it to help, comfort, and love people better because of it.

I just know it.

But here on this blog, I can't tell the full story because it's not my story to share. 

And (for the time being at least) everything just feels too raw and too broken for me to continue blogging.

I could choose to feel really sad about saying goodbye to this blog (because it does feel really sad to me), and I could choose to feel resentful about the circumstances that have brought me to this point (because they are really crappy circumstances), but I'm not going to. The 10 years I spent on this blog and the friends I've made along the way have been beautiful, so with the wise words of Dr. Suess in mind, I'm not going to cry because it's over, I'm going to smile because it happened.

I'll plan to hop on one more time in the coming weeks to let you all know what I'll be doing business-wise (with The Photographers' Workshop, Making the Shot, future tutorials, and A Year in the Making).

And know that if I could somehow bottle up 10 years worth of love and thanks to send to each one of you, I would.

But if you ever find yourself driving on Interstate-5, past Central Point, Oregon, feel free to hit me up for that drink.

Comments

[Lorie Gomes]

I so love and have been missing your blog and now am saddened to hear of the grief and turmoil that is in your life right now. I will miss your uplifting and honest words and seeing your amazing photos and glimpses of your family. I pray that God gives you strength and resolve as you work through this trial. It sounds like you need a break from your hometown and a visit to Ferndale to relax and reflect. Wishing you joy amongst the grief and to triumph over pain. Thank you for sharing yourself with me through your blog!

[Dawn Reynolds]

Thank you for posting. You have been in my daily thoughts and now in my prayers. Stay strong, stay strong together! You will be missed. Maybe one day we will meet and enjoy that cup of coffee (stiff drink) together! And be lifelong friends!

[Mattie]

Very sad to hear this and very sad for your family. I've been following since Annie was 2!
I won't be unsubscribing so incase you decide you want us, we will be here.

[jen]

Just wanted to send love your way - love that you handle life's challenges with grace and bravery.

[ellen patton]

Your blog is one of my faves because 1) you are honest and 2) you are a fantastic photographer. I hope you find comfort and peace and that you know that this blogger friend cares about your family. heart ep

[Jacki]

I❤️️u Karen. I'm praying for you and your family.

[Susan lew]

very sad to hear about this. I have been following you since the beginning and feel terrible that you and your family are going through something so hard. Please take care of yourself.

[Shelly Shuey]

You didn't post, I thought you were busy. You didn't post, I realized you were in the midst of teaching a workshop. You didn't post, I wondered if you had a job.

I am so devastated for you without even knowing what it is. Sending love, sending hope, sending gratitude. Please email me if there's anything you want to share/anything I can do.

Shelly.

[Debbie]

Love you Karen, so very, very much!!! ❤️

[Jenny]

Karen, I'm so sorry for the pain that you and your family are going through, no matter what it may be. I pray for healing and restoration for all of you. And I thank you for your honesty and for pointing the way to our good, good Father, even through the darkness. May you have hope, grace and peace as you and your family walk through this together, one day at a time. God's mercies are new every morning.

[Evia]

So sorry Karen for whatever you're going through. I will greatly miss your blog. I feel like we're great friends even though you don't know me. Heartfelt prayers for you and your family and hopefully we'll see you back here one day. Stay strong. Keep faith.

[KarinaS]

I am sending you so much love and light. ((((hugs))))

I am so thankful that you came into my life and not only improved my photography but I can't even express what it has meant to me to be a part of the amazing community in the forum of the photography course. I have missed that this year but so so so thankful for the time that I had there with you and the other wonderful ladies. Thank you so much. <3 <3 <3

[Cara in NJ]

Karen, I am so sorry for all of the pain and sadness you and your family are going through. You are right, the only thing you can do it pray to God that He gives you all the strength and courage and peace that you all need. I will miss the stories of your family and your wonderful pictures, but when you feel something so strongly, you have to follow your heart. Know that I am praying for all of you, prayers of love, hope and peace.
Blessing to you all

[LaVonne]

Saddened to hear that things have been so hard and that there has been a devastating event to have created such a catastrophic turning point for your family and y'all's life together. Please know that you are held close in thought and prayer and Love. Love you bunches, Karen! Praying for Peace and Clarity and Calmness to surround you and those you love. ((hugs)) ~LV

[Stacey]

Thank you for the many times you have uplifted me! Thank you for always inspiring me! Thank you for showing me that not everyone that has a blog has a perfect life. Thank you for teaching me how to really use my camera! Thank you for coming to Amarillo Texas to teach a couple of classes. I still love the album I made that day! Thank you for sharing and caring and always being honest! Thank you for being here! I will never forget meeting you in person and I hope that some day our paths will cross again! I will think of you often and I will pray for you and your family! I'm gonna miss this!!!!

Stacey

[Kathy R.]

If you and I were ever to sit down over coffee (or better yet, a stiff drink), I'd tell you that I'm so, so sorry you and your family are having to go through this very hard thing. I'd tell you that God showed me rainbows when I was going through my very hard thing and I hope he shows you them too. I'd tell you that I've never met a more open, honest, loving and caring person as you. I'd tell you that without a doubt my life has been blessed by taking your class and meeting you at the Hometown Workshop.

I'd tell you that I'm praying for you and your family... always. {hugs}

[Susan]

Praying for you and your family and continued prayers for the days ahead. God has you and you've got this. Keep the faith.

[Carrie]

My heart bleeds for you. I'm in Corvallis, if you ever need a hug or that stiff drink. ;)

[amy]

Praying for you and your family. You're right....God is so much bigger than all of this. I have been a fan for the past 10 years and you will absolutely be missed.
{{HUGS!!}}

[Kris Noorman]

Oh, Karen. I have loved reading your blog over the years. I'm so saddened to hear you are going through a difficult time right now. You will be in my prayers. Our God is good and will see you and your family through it all. Lots of love. Kris Noorman

[Lynn]

Oh how I wish I was close by even though we've never met simply to share that stiff drink, but to give you a big huge STRONG hug. Your faith is strong and I appreciate so much sharing your heart. I called a friend tonight on my way home from work who I don't see every day (haven't seen in years actually) to say thank her for filling up my bucket. In small ways and big ways. Surrounding yourself with the Lord (and those like your fabulous hubby) will continue to give you strength. I am so sorry for the current pain your feeling. Sending you love and prayers. Thank you for being you for so many years on your blog. You will absolutely be missed. xx

[stephanie ackerman]

oh Karen. My heart pounded through every word that you wrote and at one point felt like I was gasping for air. Thank you for sharing your life, your kids, your stories, your skills, talents and amazing photos, your funny stories, wit and your faith. I want to call you...but I don't have your number. I want to text you..but I don't have that either. I want to run over to your house right now, but I am far away. My in-laws just moved close to Medford. Is that close to you? If it is, I am coming over, we can have a drink and then go for a run. I want to beg you not to go but you know what is best. You will be so missed...you already are. Each one of you are in my prayers. Prayers for healing, comfort and peace.

[valerielynn]

praying for you and your family - hang on sister, God's got this, even though it doesn't seem like it.

[Shan Laux]

Dear Karen, I am so very sad that you and your family are going through something so difficult. My heart aches because I can hear the pain from one mother to another. After going through a personal hell with one of my children being very sick for three years, we are on the other side of the storm. I am not the same woman I was before or even during. He is doing so much better but I am still raw from what we went through. My sister in law lives in the redwoods in Cali but goes to a few towns that you've mentioned for work. If I ever get out that way, I will try to look you up (stiff drink or two included). I will miss your "voice" on this blog and your wisdom when it seems like God planted it there because I really needed to read it. Lots of love and prayers! My best wishes and thoughts.

[Cary]

We all do what we have to do.. one breath, one hour, one step, over and over to get space to breath> You are in the process of collecting strength and when you look around, you will see you aren't alone on this journey. Take a look at these comments and know that no matter what IT was, life gets messy. You will only get stronger with all the love and prayers for strength. So face those demons and show them that their might be a new normal, but you are going to be back in charge soon. Love & Prayers to the entire Russell clan

[Linda]

Praying that you continue to feel God's arms surrounding you and holding you up when you need it, hoping that it helps in some small way that so many people love you and care about you and your family.

[Melissa Ladd]

I'm so sorry to hear about this terrible time for you. I'll be thinking of you and praying for strength.

[Brittany Van Arsdall]

You are my absolute favorite blog to stalk. I will be so sad to not be able to read about your joy, struggles and beautiful pictures. I always hoped to one day take your class, when I felt I was comfortable enough in my knowledge. This has happened recently and I am so sad I will never be able to learn from you. I wish you all the best in the future.

[k8]

I'm so sad for whatever has happened in your family, but I am certain that your faith will be your rock through these days.

I look forward to taking you out for that drink some day.....and giving you a much deserved hug.

Thanks for everything, and know that you and your family remain in my prayers.

Much love,
k8

[nancy boothe]

I knew something was wrong; I just felt it inside. You have been one of the most important women in my life and I love you and your entire family. And always will.

[Shari Barnes]

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you so much for sharing your life all of these years. I know that all of us have been touched in some way through your photography and stories. May God cover you with his comfort during this time of pain and trials. Much love to you!

[Jules Clark]

Oh Karen...I can't even think what to say. I'm just so sad and concerned for you and your family. I'll hold back getting all mushy on you, but know you hold a very important place in my heart. Love to you and your family.

[Keely]

(((hugs)))) Karen, you have brought so much joy into my life as you shared your extended family's stories through the years. I wish you strength, love, clarity and peace as you navigate this chapter of your life. It is just that, a chapter.

[Pamela]

My heart breaks for you. I don't know what it is that's rocking your life right now, but God won't let you capsize. Praying for you, Josh and the kids. You have changed my life in ways I couldn't dream. Not only have you been an inspiration to my photography, but much more importantly you have been an inspiration in my life. You have placed amazing women in my path that I would never have connected with before. I am grateful for you and the things you have done. Sending you love and light and blessings.

[janine]

Karen, am feeling equal measures of huge love and worry for you right now. You changed my life by teaching me how to be a photographer- my first passion outside of family and my job for a really long time and boy did I need it. I am holding on really tightly to the hope that you are all going to be ok xxxxx

[Michaelynn]

Karen…I echo the words of everyone above. Even though we have never met, your blog and the photographer's workshops I participated in invited you (the real you, I think) right into my heart. I have learned so much from you, have been so inspired by you, have been uplifted out of the depths of sorrow and pain by all that you've shared about your own journeys through sorrow and pain. I can't imagine what has turned your world upside down, but everything will work together for your good in the end. I have to believe that. Although God loves us, and doesn't want us to be hurt, that is part of the human experience. The life experience that He created for us. Growth, love and strength will come from all that we experience. Find something to be grateful for every day. I think it helps heal my heart more quickly when I take a moment - even a small moment - to let some light in every day. Love and hugs and prayers for you and the family. ~Michaelynn

[RM]

Karen...you have been an inspiration and you will be missed! I will lift you and your family up in my prayers!
Much love and big hugs!
RM in TX

[Tina]

You are loved, and your family is lived. I will miss your honest posts and letting us be a part of your journey. Best of luck to you.

[April]

Karen, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I can only offer my prayers and I'm including one of my favorite songs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbRQvrBgCJA
May you feel God's love wrapping you up in His arms. That is the only way we can make it through times like these. So, so sorry for all you are going through.

[Babz P.]

Sending you so much love and hope for the future that you want. You are an inspiration, even now. I hope you know how gifted you are. I will miss you.

[Laura]

Karen,
Praying for you and your family. Hugs from australia

[Noelani]

Karen. I am sad for your pain and loss. I hope that one day you will return to this very blog and know that we are all behind you supporting you whenever you need it. You have brought so much joy and inspiration to my life. You are amazing. You are strong and you can do this. Much love and hugs!

[carriep]

So very sad for your pain. Will be adding you and your family to my prayers. You, your God given talent, your blog has blessed me in so many ways in the past years. I got to take some classes from you in Medford and the online photo class. Thanks, praying God will sustain you, and your family.

[Lynne Ashcraft]

So much light and love is being sent your way that I hope in some little way you feel it and someday it helps you through this. Thank you for sharing what must have been excruciating to post! You will still be with us in thoughts and prayers as we are with you even if we don't know each other and never meet. Know that you have had that impact on others and we will help lift up you and your family as you get through whatever this is.

[Liesl]

Oh Karen, my heart leapt with joy when I saw you had a new post and then crashed to my toes - but I do believe there is a purpose to everything . . .
I have felt like I have known you as I have followed you for so long and been enchanted by your talent and humbled by your honesty.
My prayers include you and your family . . .
Thank you for giving so much of yourself to the countless others who you will never know and faces you will never see, but whose hearts and lives you have touched.

[My]

I am so sorry to hear you are suffering right now. I have no words of wisdom or comfort, but know that I have enjoyed reading your blog, seeing your photos and learning from you. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. If you were being serious about the drink I would take you up on it in a heartbeat. I am praying for you and your family. Please come back when you can.

[Meghan]

Karen, I am so very sad that you are going through such a trying time. Although we've never met, I've enjoyed reading all your posts and learning so much from you. I've always appreciated how honest you are and always feel inspired after reading your blog posts. I'll be praying for you and your family and hope to hear from you again some day.

[Jen]

Karen, I am a former student (and still call you "my teacher"). So very sorry to hear about what you are going through. Because of some hard times we have been going through recently, I have found great comfort in this song, in particular the clip of a John Piper sermon in the middle. I pray it encourages you too as you walk through this incredibly difficult season. Blessings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY

[Candice]

I'm sorry for the hard things you're going through. My prayer of peace and comfort is with you! xoxo

[Sally]

Karen, I am so sorry you are hurting. Please know my thoughts are with you and your family. You have taught me so much, both about photography and life, through your words. Next time I pass by on the 5 you better believe I will hit you up for that drink. Sending a giant hug your way.

[Kathy]

Thinking of you and your family at this,difficult time. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane

[Doris]

So sorry you are going through a difficult time. I've really enjoyed reading your blog for several years. Not good enough to take one of your classes, even tho I wanted to. Hope everything works out for you.

[Gina F.]

I am so heart broken for you even though I have no idea what has happened to you. I have been here a long time, through the Creating Keepsakes days, I think I bought every product you ever created for Creative Imaginations. I met you at a scrapbook ing class you taught and made some beautiful scrapbook pages. I bought several of the kits you used to sell and took the Photographers Workshop. I "knew" you before there was a Josh, Courtney, or Annie in the picture. You have had to overcome a lot of obstacles and hardships in your life and you have met them head on and come out a stronger person. This seems different though. Something you have to survive rather than conquer. My mind is so full of thoughts and so scared for what has happened that your life has changed. I have always adored you as a photographer and a person and have loved the photos and stories you have shared. I have seen your kids grow up and I am so sad for your family. I will keep all of you in my prayers for strength and healing. You are so cared about and I hope you feel more surrounded in love and caring than in harshness and judgement of others. You are such a special person and have touched so many lives by simply being you.

[Cheryl]

I love you. I'm so sorry. You aren't alone walking through this awful time. Exodus 14:14 has helped me a lot in some pretty raw circumstances: "The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." (Yeah, I know, way harder than it sounds.)

Your classes changed my life. I'll be praying for you, all the way from Georgia.

[Lisa]

Oh I am just praying with all of my strength that your kids are safe with you. My imagination is worse and running rampant with all the what could be's. But I want you to know you are not alone, and your blogging and your lessons in faith will be very missed. You have inspired me to reconnect with my faith, and my God. And I cannot find words to thank you. Just know that I will continue to pray for you.

[Corrine]

I want you to know that I am holding you and your beautiful family close as I pray for all of you to get through this difficult time. I want you to know that over the years of your blog I have been inspired so many times by your spirit, your devotion, your honesty and your love for your family. I want you to know that I carry regret with me that I was not lucky enough to know you "for real". I want you to know that I also regret that I was never able to take any of your workshops. I want you to know that I will always remember with love and faith the years that I have been reading your words and viewing your amazing pictures.I want you to know that I have dreaded the day that you would declare an end to your blogging. I want you to know that if someday you think "Would any of my former readers care if I blogged again?" that the answer would be a resounding yes! I want you to know that we would care and be thrilled and would welcome the return of you. I want you to know that I am grateful that I ever found your blog. I want you to know that you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers for always.

[Jennifer]

Karen,
You can live to be 150...and yet you will still never know the depth to which you have touched my heart and my life. I can't even remember how I stumbled across your blog all those years ago, but I thank God I did. You had no idea how every trial and test life has thrown at you (that you blogged about), I, too (along with many others, I'm sure) seemed to always be going thru something so similar. You know how when you're nervous or anxious or mad, and you have to make yourself take a deep slow breath, and that deep breath makes you feel so much better? Your blog was always my deep breath. I will miss every single solitary thing about this blog. And as weird as it sounds, though you know nothing about me or my family, I will miss every single solitary thing about you and your family. Because I feel like I know you all. I wish you the best, Karen. I wish you love, and joy, and peace, and comfort, and happiness...lots and lots of happiness. I sure hope that one day soon, you will feel the desire to blog again. Until then, the verse that fits every single solitary minute of life...:
John 13:7
You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.

[Amy Coose]

So, so, sad to read this post. Sad for you, sad for your family, sad for me (I'm going to so miss your blog posts). He will give you the tools to get through this. I will be praying for you and your family.

[Cari]

Karen, I echo what others have said. It makes me so sad that you all have to go through something that must be so traumatic to you all. I will pray for you and hope things can get a little easier. I will still follow you and hope someday you will still come back to the blogging world when your wounds aren't so fresh. I hope that you do. I have always enjoyed reading your blog, watching your family grow up. I enjoyed your class so much, even though I was just an auditing student. I learned so much and hope to take your class again by reading over it all again!
I hope that you all find peace and know God makes our path for a reason, even though we may never know what it is.

[Tonya]

Karen...so many people, some who know and love you, and many others who admire and love you although never having met you in person, are carrying this burden with you. Praying for you in Minnesota!

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:3

[Joni H]

Knowing you and your family are going through such turmoil breaks my heart. I am going to miss your honesty, inspiration, and faith you have shared through your blog. You have touched my life in countless ways and are the reason I have connected with some amazing women I now consider dear friends. I'm at a loss for words (no surprise there), but know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Lots of love being sent your way.

[Andrea]

I have learned so much about parenting from you. Thank you for that. You will be missed.

[Lisa Houpt]

I have been waiting and waiting for your Christmas posts and actually, worrying if something happened. I am praying for you and your family. May God help you all through this.

I have always been so inspired by you Karen and your family through your pictures (met you once when I took a class in Orlando and just was gifted your online workshop from you). You are an amazing woman who has touched many lives through not only your words, but your photos. You have a strong faith in God and inspire me.

May God truly bless you and your family! I will miss seeing your kids and all of your fun, crazy family outings. I hope someday, you will be back. Take Care Karen!

Lisa

[lori]

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through something painful. Loved your workshop and learned so much, but enjoy reading your blog even more. Love seeing the kids, your honesty, everything. You and your family will be in my prayers! I will keep you in my blogroll in hopes that you pop back in from time to time.

[Kim]

hugs to all as you stumble through this trying time.

[Tami]

Dear Karen,
I hope you know how much you'll be missed. Thank you so much for being so real in all of your and your family's pain. You have truly kept it real for ten years.
I have been praying for you and Josh, and the kids since I read your post. Casting Crowns song, Just Be Held has been on repeat as I pray for you. Praying that our heavenly Father is holding you and those you love the most real close.
I'm not a photographer, just a blogger with a phone, but you always made me want to become a real photographer and get a real camera. You are gifted, loved, and a treasure. God bless you hon.

ps- I hope we get to have a drink someday... if you ever pass through the farthest corner of Washington I have a spot for you to rest.

[KarinaS]

P.S. I love the photo that you included in your post.

[Kari Ann]

As I read this post I glanced at the tabs on my browser. Your blog comes up as "My life... just not on the road I expected (but still darn good)" I would tell you to draw strength from those closest to you and continue to be the open, honest person that I've come to know. I have no doubt that you will be able to see the light through the gray and find the 'darn good'

[Conni Marleau]

Karen, My heart breaks for you and your family. Whatever the circumstances you are going through right now you are strong enough to handle them with Jesus at your side. I had been thinking of you all weekend long. I drove my middle daughter up to start college at U of O (I know she is a duck!!) We drove Highway 5 for hours and hours, I passed Medford and Grants Pass and all the towns you have talked about and thought about you constantly. I wondered what restaurant it was that the Creamed Spinach is so good and where would she be to get Starbucks about now??
On the way home it had snowed during the night and the highway was a sheet of ice! I am a California girl and have never been so scared in my entire life! I seriously thought "I wonder if Karen can come and get me and save me"!! I made it home - took 12 hours of white knuckled sloooow driving and a couple of hour pull overs to pep talk myself back on the road. I have been your student since 2008, sun-flare queen, met you when you taught a class in San Jose and an avid 'stalker' of you blog for years. Our youngest daughters are the same age and it was fun to see Annie grow up along side mine. I admire your spirit and your commitment to your family and friends. You will get through this. Next time I make the drive to pick up my daughter (never again in the winter!!) Spring break is coming up. I would love to stop by and have a drink, please email me so we can get together!! I will miss you blog and your pictures, I feel like a friend is moving and I won't 'see' you anymore. Take care, and I hope God's love and peace surround and comfort you.

[Melinda]

I was so happy to see a post from you- then shocked and saddened by what I was reading! I have read your blog for over five years- and took the Photographer course. I have loved keeping up with your family over the years (and loved the story of how the Russell/Downs family came to be), and have missed your posts the last weeks. I have no idea what is going on- other than it has devastated you and your family and stopped you right in your tracks. My heart goes out to you and your loved ones. From the outside, I can see that God is present in every situation and that you will hold to to your faith- this too shall pass. Easy for me to say! I know you will all survive this- and be stronger as a result- but, while you are in the midst of it, just know you have touched so many lives through this blog and that you have love coming at you from all directions! I hope you can feel some of that and that it is lifting you up. And I am holding on to the hope that you will be back sharing your life with us when the time is right. If there is a way that your readers can help you, please ASK US! <3<3<3

[DanaL]

I don't have the words to express my sadness for you and your family. And that you won't be blogging anymore. I feel bereft over that but I understand. Thank you so much for sharing your photos and stories with me over this blog. You have enriched my life in so many ways. And I love you millions. xoxo

[Jennifer Lovelady]

Karen - I'm so saddened to read of your grief and overwhelming sorrow. Praying that the Lord reveals the "roadway in the wilderness and rivers in the desert". Asking Him to comfort you and yours in this very hard place. My love is with you wherever He leads....

[jen]

My heart is hurting for you and your family Karen. Thank you for all you have given to your readers over the years. His compassions never fail... they are new every morning. Bless you and Josh, Ross, Cole, Courtney and Annie.

[Addie]

Karen I'm so sorry for what you're going thru and I just want to hop in the truck and come give you a hug! I will miss your posts and stories but know that I am praying for you and your family. Hugs my friend!

[Jeni]

"You are perfect in all of your ways to us." You are.
I wish I could take your pain away. So sorry for what you are going through. Please know that you are so loved. By me and many, many others.

[Tracibub]

Well.

That sucks.

The whole thing.

I'm sorry circumstances are what they are.

I actually may hit you up for a drink. We have plans to move to Oregon this summer, so we'll be headed up the I-5! :)

Just keep swimming. <3

[Nicole Reid]

My heart is breaking reading that you won't be posting anymore to this blog. I am a former student (8 years ago already) nd before that, followed your blog. I'm sending big giant prayers and healing thoughts and hope to see you back on here someday.

[Steph Connor]

My heart is breaking --- that I will no longer "see" you on here, but more so for you and your family and the trials you have faced in the past few months. I have been a loyal follower for the past 10 years and a student back in 2010. I was always more of a lurker than a poster, but I feel like I have grown to know you and your family and am praying that you are all healthy and staying strong together. You will be truly truly missed <3

[Andrea :)]

Oh Karen, there are simply no words right now other than we love you, we are praying for you and we are holding space for you. I am heartbroken for you and your family. You are such a blessing in my life and in the lives of so many. Big hugs!

[Tina B.]

I've been following your since a took a class you taught it Louisiana. I've subscribed to your blog since then. I always admired your raw honesty, sharing your ups and downs,& your adventures. Thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. Sending love and light to you and your family. I will not unsubscribe in hopes that one day you will be ready to share with us again.

[Shauna Thompson]

Hugs, prayers and love to you!

[Erin H.]

I am broken for you. Whatever is going on with you and your family, know that you are loved and our lives have been incredibly blessed for "knowing" you. Thank you for sharing your life with us...the up's...the down's...I truly hope you will come back to us someday. We will be waiting with open arms! <3

[Juli P]

Oh Karen,
I've been thinking of you and your sweet little family since I initially read your post last night. Two things keep coming to mind :
- you will get through whatever this is. you're suck a strong woman, with such a strong relationship with God. I know that you'll make it and come out with wisdom, energy and lots of other stuff on the other side...
- hoping you're not completely out of the photography business... I never rescheduled my 2 hour skype consult with you that I booked about a year ago. I'd love to schedule that when you've gotten through everything.

I will keep thinking of you all and saying prayers for you all.
Your blog has been on my favorites bar since well before I took your class... I feel like I've watched your beautiful kids grow up right before my eyes... 8 years is a long time! and I also have you to thank for some of the very good friends that I made during your class and we still converse virtually on a regular basis...thank you!

[Janet]

I'm so very sorry for your pain and will you and your family in my prayers. I will miss you.

[Allison]

Oh Man. That post. Wow. I pray that you will continue to be surrounded by light and love. I pray that whatever is causing all this pain changes into something that causes you great joy. I pray that you come back here someday and share your beautiful and real stories and pictures. I wish I lived close and could come and give you a great, big hug. From what i have read here in the ol' comments section, it looks like we are all praying for you and your sweet family. I pray that you know that. I will miss you.

[Jennifer S]

Karen, You know I've been "here" almost just as long. You opened up a whole new world for me and I will always be grateful for that. But its not JUST that. You have such a way of inspiring and bringing us all together that I will miss the MOST. Like others have said, if you ever do come back. We will all be here with open arms. No matter how long that could take. We are praying for every single one of you for comfort and healing in what seems like a time of such grief and pain. We love you!!!! xoxoxoxox

PS I still covet all my Narrative supplies and Karen kits!

[kat-in-texas]

Aww, Nellie...no words from me can comfort your broken heart, but I'm thankful for all the experiences we got to share with you on here. I'm thankful for taking your One Day Photographer's Workshop in Texas and screaming the first time I saw you...lol. I'm so thankful to take the Photographer's Workshop online that allowed me to take my camera off the automatic setting for good. I'm thankful for understanding the rivalry between the Oregon Beavers and Ducks. (My nephew was sporting a DUCKS shirt on NYE....I don't know him, Josh Downs!!!!!) I'm thankful you and I have a love/hate relationship with the Dental Hygiene profession. Thankful for your "real life" commentaries and the gorgeous pictures that accompanied each one because you never liked to post without a pic. But, most of all I'm thankful for you. Love you, love your family and my prayers are going up for your friend who will experience real life after death because of her faith in Jesus Christ. None of us are guaranteed another day. We should all be getting off our computers and living life as if today were our last!! Hug and a smooch... <3 Helga

[kat-in-texas]

Hey, if you're ever in Dallas...I'll buy you one...or three. And I'll try to find a place that has heated toilet seats if it's in the Winter...lol. :) <3

[Valerie]

Karen, I am so sorry to hear of such hard struggles, pain and decisions that you and your family are facing. Big prayers for strength and peace and comfort to guide you through this tough time.

I am grateful to have met you in Columbus for a one day workshop and to have taken your Photography Course 8 years ago (and still chat with some very dear friends I made in that course!). I will miss you and your stories and adventures. Thank you for being you. xo

[Alexandra]

Karen, I am so sad to read this. I am sending you good wishes and loving thoughts. You always have given so much of yourself to your readers and to your students. I loved taking classes with you and I too covet my Narrative supplies. Whatever is next I am sure you will handle it with courage and grace as you have always done. xo

[Heather T.]

Karen, I am absolutely heartbroken for you. I pray that your family finds peace and comfort and grows stronger together. I cannot believe that good will not come out of this terrible thing.

I'm crushed that you are ending your blog. I remember so many times where the words you wrote were exactly what I needed at that time. Might you consider just a long hiatus, after which you ma eventually return? I am holding space for you, as I know so many others are. The blank space on your blog could just represent that. :)

Love you. Thanks for everything!

[Dina]

Praying for you and your family. I am truly going to miss reading your blog. Thank you for your honesty. I love the Narratives line you had with Creative Imaginations. I love the kits that you put together. I still have much to learn about photography, but my pictures are now 100 times better since I took your Photographers Workshop. Take care!

[Elizabeth]

Well that's sad news indeed. I think I have been reading your blog for the whole ten years! Take care of yourself.

[N.N.]

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Your honesty and amazing photography will be missed. Your family updates and pictures will be missed. You have been an inspiration and I know that I know that I know you will continue life with courage and honesty. God was not surprised by what happened. He loves you and has a plan for your life. You need Him more than ever now and He is there. His word says He will never leave you or forsake you. I pray for you that as your wounds heal you can love others with more grace and mercy because of your scars.

[Janna]

Oh karen this hurts my heart so much!!!!😢😢I hippie and pray you will find the strength toy need each and every moment! I am so so sad to see you go. I will miss your something fierce! I love your family, that I've never had the pleasure to meet! I hoped your long break didn't mean something tragic 😢Take care you! And you ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!I had the worst belly ache reading this hoping you weren't going thru a divorce or had lost one of your beautiful children. May God comfort you in your deep trial!

[Kristi b]

{Hugs}

[tanya]

Dear Karen, I hope you find the time to read these comments and find a bit of comfort in them. I read this a few days ago and haven't been able to get you off my mind. I took your class twice and have always felt so inspired by your words and photographs. Please know that there are a lot of people that care about you and your family. I wish you nothing but the every happiness in the future.

[Jennie]

You have been such an inspiration to me through your photographs and classes. I have become a much better photographer thanks to you. I so appreciate all of your honesty as a mom and wife on your blog and can relate to all that you say. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through a bad situation. Praying that you find strength and peace each day.

[Sandra]

I too have been following you since the early days. I echo every lovely lady on here who speaks of the ways and volumes you touched their life. I will NEVER forget the simple hug you gave me in Barnes and Nobel when I was in a time of grief and turmoil. You'll never be able to know how much that meant to me. I will pray for you and your sweet family. I hope perhaps we can get together someday. You are an inspiration to many.

[Wendy]

Oh Karen, I'm so sad to hear this. I have been following since Annie was 2. Always love your heart for your family and for the Lord. I have always appreciated how real you are too - sharing the ups and downs of life. Life is hard. I have also been walking through a hard time and wanted to share this song that has ministered to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzejd6r9DwE I also like the one you posted. I will be praying for you and your family. Wish I lived closer to go out for that drink with you. If you ever find yourself in the middle of the country, get in touch with me. :) Praying that you find yourself closer to the Lord through this time and seeking him daily. ♥