My Grandpa

My Grandpa passed away a couple weeks ago.

I'd feel like a hypocrite if I said anything other than the truth, and the truth was that he was not an easy man. He and I had a pretty big falling out a few years back, but not long after, I called him to offer a genuine apology, without any expectation of him apologizing (and it's a good thing I didn't have that expectation because he didn't apologize), and felt like I needed to share with him the best memories I had of him as a kid:

1. Every year, right before basketball season, he'd mail me a brand new pair of white, leather Nike's and a bottle of white shoe polish to keep them looking scuff- free. All the kids at school called me "rich" and "spoiled" when I was sporting those Nikes and for a girl who grew up in a mobile home without much money, I loved how my grandpa made me feel "rich" and "spoiled."

2. Whenever I stayed the night with my grandparents (sometimes I stayed and entire summer with them), my Grandpa would make me a chocolate milkshake at exactly 9:00 p.m. One night he decided to experiment with an orange milkshake per my insistence, but after taste testing it, he dumped the whole thing down the sink, and immediately whipped me up a tried-and-true chocolate milkshake instead.

3. When I lost the halter for my 4-H steer, Teddy, I received a brand new one in the mail with a poem from my Grandpa. I don't remember the entire poem, but I do remember part of it that read, "And here's a new halter, so Teddy won't falter."

4. No matter how fancy of a restaurant we went to, I always wanted the exact same thing; a hamburger with mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, and cheese. And if that wasn't on the menu, and the waiter didn't agree to have one special-made for me, my grandpa would ask to speak with the manager. Never once did I go without a hamburger.

5. He signed me up for summer camp (the first and only time I was ever signed up for summer camp), but after inspecting the sleeping arrangements and noticing pee stains on the mattresses, he refused to let me stay. I was devastated, but he promised to make it up to me, and instead took me to Zimm's hot springs for a day of swimming (oddly enough, we ended up at the same hot springs on our last Spring Break, and it wasn't until we had been there for awhile that I said to Josh, "I think this is where my Grandpa took me the summer before 5th grade - you can see those photos here after you scroll down a bit).

He accepted my apology, laughed as I recalled those memories, and told me how happy he was to hear each one of them.

He fell into a sudden and unexpected dementia, and a quick, downward spiral with this health while in the hospital after having surgery on his foot in July, and all I could think about was how happy I was that I had made that phone call.

I don't know why he was such an angry, difficult man and I feel sad that he spent much of his life that way. That kind of brokenness is painful to see in anyone. But he did some really kind and wonderful things as well - things that shaped me into the woman I am and gave me memories that I wouldn't trade for anything. And ultimately, he loved me. Maybe not in the way that I think love should always be expressed, but he loved me (and the rest of his family) to the best of his capabilities, and I'm thankful for that.

I love you grandpa.

 That's my Grandpa and his mom, Selma (we called her Mi-Mi).

Him and his little brother.

 That last one with the baby chicks is my favorite.

That's him in front.

Him holding my mom.

My Grandpa, my Grandma, my mom (the oldest), my Uncle Donnie (on the left), my Uncle Brad (at the bottom), and my Aunt Kelly (the baby).

That's the whole lot of us. I'm the baby, sitting next to my mom, my dad, and my sister.

My grandparents and all of their kids.

The most peaceful and content photo I've ever seen of my Grandpa (holding his granddaughter, Nicole).

My grandma and grandpa (and I'm guessing that's my Uncle Donnie in the background with the bunny ears).

My grandpa holding his first great grand baby (Ross).

One with Ross and Coley.

One from my wedding reception.

My family all likes to tell stories about me tackling my grandpa during this football game (hence the mud, grass stains, and duck poop), but the TRUTH is that he fell before I even touched him.

That's Annie and Cole with my Grandpa.

Coley.

Miss Yans.

Another with Yans.

My Grandpa with his wife Bev (my Grandma died 20 years ago) whom we all love and have adopted as our own.

Christmas a few years back.

My Grandpa trying to use a computer mouse like a microphone to talk to my Aunt Kelly via Skype (we never let him live that down - or the multiple times he tried to eat potpourri at my mom's house).

Thanksgiving.

Another Thanksgiving.

Christmas a few years back sitting next to my Uncle Brad.

And the last photo I ever took of him, celebrating his birthday with Courtney Lee and my Aunt Alicia in May.

Makes me thankful for family, forgiveness, and photography. 

Comments

[taniawillis]

so very sorry for your loss, Karen. forgiveness is hard, especially when you know it may or may not be accepted, and the apology wont necessarily be reciprocated. thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heart. there are so many nuggets of truth to be gleaned from this blog entry and lessons to be learned from your example of humbleness and forgiveness. you inspire me so much. i thank God that He allows you the time in your day to post to this blog. He speaks to me through your heart....time and time again. keep letting Him use you, friend. praying for you and your mama and Bev and your extended family as you lay your grandfather to rest.

[rebya]

love the comment "He speaks to me through your heart" posted above. Glad there are some happy memories, also. I so enjoy your blog.

[Susan lew]

So sorry for your loss.

[Lisa]

So sorry for your loss. It's a hard thing to swallow when you realize slowly that you are becoming the adult and those you look up to are leaving too soon. I still struggle with the loss of my Grandmother two years ago. Praying your family finds peace and never forgets the good times.

[Colette]

You are so right that the treasures of photography really matter!!! I am so glad you have these! Your stories about him remind me of the legacy I want to leave. My favorite pic was when he was a little guy with his legs crossed wearing cowboy boots. :)

[Dawn]

Forgiveness is often times more of a blessing for the one doing the forgiving than for the one being forgiven. What a gift for you both that you were able to forgive when it mattered most. So sorry for your loss. It's never easy to let our loved ones go. Hold on to and cherish the memories...the good ones, the bad ones and all the ones in between.

[Corrine]

I am so sorry for your loss! Your ability to apologize and forgive I have no doubt made him very proud....even if he didn't tell you that.

[Judy Webb]

Your honesty and way with words always makes me happy even if the subject is sad.So glad to have you back, maybe with kids in school you will share more often.

[janel]

All the photos are such a reflection. As a long time reader of your blog, I remember several of these photos. I know that going through the photos is a healing and a salve that soothes one's soul. Big hugs to all of you.

[Rachelle S]

The photos are all lovely~ and you're right; it showcases the importance of taking candid photos for memory keeping. Hugs to you all!

[SandraA]

What "taniawillis" said above; just beautiful.

I am so sorry for your family's loss. Your photos painted a wonderful picture. He obviously had a soft spot for babies and young children; probably felt he could show them his vulnerable self, and they could keep his secret.

[Addie]

So sorry to hear this. I've enjoyed seeing him in your pics over the years! Hope you are all doing well and enjoyed this blasted hot Oregon summer!

[Kristin]

So sorry for the loss of your grandpa, Karen. I lost my grandpa almost 4 months ago to an aggressive type of lung cancer (he passed within a month of showing signs something wasn't right) It was the first time I've ever experienced someone very close to me passing away and it was so so hard. Still hard. I'm so glad you have all of those photos of him with your kids, I have some of those too (my daughters are 4, and 1) and I cherish them so much. I remember when you did that post about him talking into the mouse...hilarious :) hugs to you and your family.

[deneen]

So very sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing the good memories with all of us. Big Hugs my friend.

[Dina]

Condolences to you and your family. So sorry for your loss. It is great that you have the memories and pictures of him. We loss my mother-in-law a couple of weeks ago on 8/27. She was never the same once she developed dementia. Unfortunately my son never met her. I wish we have one picture of them together. She was a wonderful lady and I know that my husband will have many stories to share with our son. Take care.

[DanaL]

A beautiful and moving tribute to your grandpa Karen. Thank you for sharing! xoxo

[Susan]

So sorry for your loss. xoxo

[Denise M]

So incredibly sorry for your loss! I lost my beautiful mother recently to dementia two days after her 70th birthday. She too was difficult at times (which we now know was because of the disease) and we'd argue and I'd feel horrible and apologize. She lived 1200 miles away and I didn't make it in time to say goodbye. The photos and memories are what get me through those tough days. Sending you lots of love and hugs to you and your family. XoXo

[Melanie]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Kili]

Ahh Grandpa! Sorry to hear about your loss Kelly! My grandpa passed in 99 and I miss him all the time.
Glad to see you blog again though.

[Donna Anderson]

Wow! Thank you so much for that. I've been struggling with my father's recent death because he, too, was not an easy man. You really made things a little more clear for me. Thank you!

[Carrie]

Nothing for a few weeks and then you hit with a whopper! Brought me to tears - what a wonderful tribute. Sometimes the hardest relationships teach us a great deal about ourselves and others. Wishing you and your family peace while dealing with your loss

[Kelli]

I LOVE all these photos you have of your family! I hope they know how lucky they are to have you document everything! I'm sorry about your grandpa!

[Rebecca Francis]

Wow, this seriously could have been my post about my grandpa dying at the beginning of August. I love him, but he was an onrey old man, which got especially bad as his dimensia really kicked in. But I have some wonderful memories of him when I was a kid. He faced a lot of challenges in his life and I think really stepped up to deal with them as best he could. He died last month after complications from a surgery to have his appendix removed. Thanks for sharing this. It's inspired me to go write down some of my favorite memories with my grandpa.

[Alicia Kane]

Thanks Karen for sharing the pictures, memories and with your great story telling way.

[keely]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Karen. Your blog post reminds us all how important it is to take photos of our families.

[Lisa Risser]

When I am up late and can't seem to sleep because something is bothering me, I often find myself on your blog. There is something very familiar and comforting to me about your photos and your stories. Having lost both my Mom and Dad months apart--I find myself here often. Thank you Karen for sharing your story with us all---and may your Grandpa be free and at peace! Hugs!

[Stephanie@LaDolceVita]

a beautifully told account of family. so sorry for your loss, Karen. xoxo

[April]

This is a beautiful, honest, selfless tribute... men of your grandfather's generation were definitely a different breed. Mine was much the same... but I don't have near the memories... or the photos.

[Nancy Wyatt]

I love your honesty, so sorry for your loss. I love your wonderful memories. hugs from conroe, tx