Where Are You Going to Be?

Prepare yourself because this is a long one. (My word count says there's 3529 words.)

I shared this picture along with some brief dialogue here on my blog after completing the Portland Triathlon back in August...

And Kelli (a past student of mine who I adore for being extremely funny and witty and for being one of those people who just calls it like she sees it) was both encouraging and observent enough to leave this comment:

Wow! Good for you! What an accomplishment. Not to rain on your parade, but that finish line looks lonely, where is everyone?

Truth be told, the awards ceremony had already gotten underway by the time I crossed the finish line, but let me go back to the beginning...

Battling weight is something I've dealt with all of my life (though much of the battle has just been in my head), but regardless of my weight, I've always felt strong.

I could out arm-wrestle all the boys in school until I was in the seventh grade and could do more pull-ups than most of them too and was lucky enough to still have that kind of strength well into my early thirties. (Minus the whole pull-up thing.)

At 34 though, I started noticing that I was getting a whole lot weaker, but just resigned myself to the notion that apparently, 33 had been my peak and that I'd simply begun the downhill decent into atrophied muscles, a semi-sedentary lifestyle and an inconcealable muffin top.

And then one day I listened to a girl in Bible study talking about a triathlon she had recently completed and noticed that my heart was racing just listening to her. A few weeks later, I set out to run one mile down at a nearby elementary school. (More about all that here.)

Turns out I couldn't run a mile, but after accepting that humiliating fact, I remembered my secret weapon...

I have a philosophy that someone shared with me when I was a single, 19 year-old girl with a newborn son, trying to decide whether or not I should go to college even though I had no financial means of doing so and this is what they said:

Time is inevitably going to pass and one year from today, you can find yourself in the exact same spot you're in now, you can find yourself further away from your goal or you can find yourself closer to your goal - so where do you want to be a year from now?

I wish I could remember who shared that with me because I'd sure like to thank them.

And yes, a year did indeed pass after that unsuccessful run, but thankfully, I found myself much closer to my goal. In fact, it was just a few weeks after that year had passed, when I met up with my sister and our best friend from college, Dawn, to do the Portland Triathlon.

The three of us meet up for a girls weekend every summer in Portland, Oregon that usually involves lots of good food, a bit of shopping, more good food, a facial, a massage, a few drinks, maybe a bit of dancing and then even more good food. But at Girls Weekend 2010, we made a pact that the next annual Girls Weekend would involve a triathlon. (None of us had ever done one before.)

So on Friday of Girls Weekend 2011, we met up once again in Portland...but for a triathlon this time.

We checked into our hotel (which always reminds me of Alice in Wonderland on a bad acid-trip - but the price, the location and the cleanliness makes up for it's obnoxious decor) and then we hung out for a bit.

I asked my sister to move that purple thing that was merging with her head.

And that's what she did with it instead. (Thanks for your cooperation Leigh Ann.)

And then we went to get pedicures (because cute toes help you run faster.)

And then we went out for dinner and drinks.

The funny thing is that I kept telling Dawn and my sister to 'look natural.'

Yep...that's the kind of 'natural' I was looking for Dawn.

And then on Saturday morning, we did something that had never taken place on any Girls Weekend past (or any other time we'd ever gotten together for that matter.)

The three of us went running together.

Right after I took a few pictures (with my beloved self-timer.)

We read that it was a good idea to do a short run the day before a triathlon, so that's exactly what we did - 1.5 miles along the waterfront.

And then we went back to the hotel to grab a shower and once were were all prettied-up, we took a few more pictures before going out to breakfast.

And then we took even more pictures while we waited for a table at Besaus. (It's the best breakfast place in Portland.)

My sister is only willing to smile for a shot or two - and then she starts doing that.

I had the Eggs Benedict (Florentine) and it was ridiculously good.

And then we walked (proudly) to a local sports shop to pick up our first-ever triathlon packets. After that, we admired our new Portland Triathlon coffee mugs and our new Portland Triathlon key chains and stopped for tea.

And then decided to drive the bike route to see what we were up against.

I wish I could find an elevation map to show you what it looked like. It's an 8-mile course that my sister and Dawn would have to complete twice (because they signed up for a Sprint Triathlon) and that I would have to complete three times (because I signed up for an Olympic Triathlon) and the first 3.5 miles of it were straight uphill.

Don't quote me on this, but I think I read somewhere that it was a 1700 ft. elevation climb. (Like I said though, don't quote me on that.)

Suffice to say that my sister spent 20 minutes cussing about the route and then promptly drove to the closest bike shop where she spent another 40 minutes trying to convince her frugal-self out of buying a lighter, faster bike to replace her 50 pound (Again, don't quote me.) mountain bike.

Also suffice to say that Dawn's body immediately started working overtime to produce a giant cold-sore in response to seeing the bike route.

All the while, I spouted positive affirmations to share/annoy everyone with with.

And then we carbed-up at an Italian restaurant for dinner and went back to the hotel room to get ready for the big day ahead. (Truth be told, we carb-up every time we're together - a triathlon just gave us a valid excuse for doing so.)

New shoe laces.

And that's my sister checking out the bike route one last time before turning out the lights.

The next morning, we were up at 4:45 a.m. packing up the car with bikes and gear and then we headed down to Waterfront Park where we got our racing numbers and ages written on our bodies. (I had one of those moments where I couldn't remember if I was 38 or 39 so I just told the guy with the pen that I was born in 1973 and let him do the math.)

I'd never seen the Willamette river at 5:30 a.m., but it sure looked pretty (despite the fact that it ranks in the top 50 most polluted rivers in the U.S. - and that we'd be swimming in it later that morning.)

Not too shabby for an iPhone shot.

And then we got our stuff set up at the transition station.

Having never done a triathlon, there were a lot of unknowns so I spent a bit of time looking over everyone's shoulder in hopes of figuring out how to best do things. When I saw the guy next to me lick his Shot Blocks and stick them on his bike, I did the same. (Shot Blocks are little electrolyte squares that kind of taste like Gummie Bears.) When I saw someone unlatch the strap of their biking helmet and stick their biking gloves and their goggles inside of it, I did the same. And when I saw someone crinkle up their racing number, I followed suit. (Actually, I asked them why they crinkled it and then I decided to crinkle mine too because they convinced me it would ride against my body better while I was running and I was feeling desperate enough to try just about anything.)

And then we waited. (Josh Downs got me that necklace that says 'Triathlon' on it since he couldn't be there.) And then we ate bananas and almonds and took pills that were supposed to prevent lactic acid build-up in our legs.

And I used the Porta-Potty at least 3-4 times because nervous energy makes me have to pee.

And then my sister and Dawn helped me get my wet-suit on since my heat went out before theirs.

My heat was the third heat to go out (female Olympic participants, ages 35-39) and when I looked around at the other nine woman in my age bracket, it was clear that I didn't fit the mold of the typical woman who does an Olympic Triathlon. They were all lean and fit and a few of them were even talking about the Ironman Triathlons they had done. (Uhmmm...that's 140 miles.) It was like one of those 'Which of these doesn't match?' worksheets that Annie brings home from kindergarten, only it was me (the slighty-chubby girl with the sausage legs) that didn't match up with the other nine stick-figures surrounding me.

Surprisingly though, when I got in the water and looked out towards the half-mile buoy, I felt oddly optimistic. That optimism only lasted for about a minute though - right up until I began to feel panicky and short of breath. (So panicky and short of breath that I couldn't even swim with my face in the water.)

A few minutes later, swimmers from the fourth heat began to pass me. A few minutes after that, swimmers from the fifth heat started to pass me as well and it went on just like that for the entire swim while I transitioned from breast-stroking (because I was so panicky and out of breath that I couldn't put my face in the water) to back-stroking (so I could catch my breath, converse with God and regain my composure.)

At one point in time, a lifeguard on a paddle-board pulled up alongside to tell me that I could hold on to her board for up to 15 minutes without being disqualified. (Apparently, she had noticed my struggle and was rightly concerned.)

I told her thank you, but it was something I had to do on my own  - and that's precisely when I started crying for the first time during the Portland Triathlon.

So I just kept on transitioning from breast-stroking (Remember, I was so panicky and out of breath that I couldn't put my face in the water?) to back-stroking (Remember, so I could catch my breath, converse with God and regain my composure?) while people on the bridge above sympathy-clapped for me.

Once reaching the dock began to look like a real possibility, I started in with positive affirmations about how the swimming portion of the race was my weakness and how I'd make up some time on the biking and running legs since those were my strengths.

As I got out of the water and started to run towards the transition station though, I realized that I had made my first major triathlon mistake:

Triathlon Mistake #1: You're not supposed to use your legs during the swim portion of the event because you're supposed to save your legs for the biking and swimming portion of the race.

Apparently, I had become so focused on not drowning, that I had forgotten to save my legs and noticed that they felt like Jello as I began running to transition.

And then the tears (and the snot) started flowing again, followed by a strange tightening in my chest, which I hadn't felt since I was 28.

A panic attack.

I immediately started back in with the positive affirmations and a bit of prayer for good measure and noticed the tightness start to subside just as I reached the transition station.

Then I realized I had to go pee - but no 38 year old woman who has given birth to three children and who is trapped in a wetsuit has a chance in hell of making it to the Porta-Potty on time.

So I did what I had to do...I peed in my wetsuit. (And no, I'm not counting that as Triathlon mistake #2 because it wasn't my fault...it's Ross's fault, and Cole's fault and Annie's fault and no amount of Kegals can undo it.)

And when I unzipped my bag to grab my dry clothes, I spotted my cell phone and immediately started dialing Josh Downs. He was in El Paso and was leaving for Afghanistan the next morning and answered the phone by saying, "What are you doing calling during the middle of the triathlon?" And that's when I started crying for the third time during the Portland Triathlon. (In my defense, I had been dealing with some pretty bad insomnia since Josh left and it didn't take much to get the old tear ducts flowing.)

I told him that I didn't think I could do it - that I was already so far behind everyone else (Most people had finished the swim in 20-30 minutes, but it had taken me almost 47 minutes.) and that I was humiliated. He just told me I had nothing to be ashamed over and that not finishing was not an option.

So I told him I loved him at least ten times and then I hung up the phone, stripped out of my urine-filled wetsuit and threw a tank top and a pair of running pants over the top of my soaked sports bra and compression shorts. Then I grabbed my helmet and started out on my ride.

Let's go ahead and count that as Triathlon Mistake #2: Don't talk on your cell phone during a triathlon.

At the steepest part of the climb, I couldn't pedal any faster than 4 miles an hour (Seriously, I could have gotten off my bike and pushed it faster than that.) and even though I was getting passed by people on much faster bikes and with much faster legs who were now on their second or third lap of the 8-mile loop, I felt good.

At one point in time, I was even feeling good enough to say to the gal next to me (who was also being passed by people on much faster bikes and with much faster legs) "Let's make a pact to show up with better bikes next year!"

It wasn't until my third, 8-mile loop when I realized I had only seen four other people in the last three miles that I started to feel discouraged again.

People on the side of the road were even sympathy-clapping for me.

I cheered myself up though with positive affirmations about the fact that I would make up time on the run because running was my strength.

When I got off my bike at the transition station, it was like a ghost-town. I didn't call Josh Downs this time though, I just threw on my running shoes and took off.

I felt pretty good for the first mile, but then the 85-degree weather started getting to me and I realized I had made two additional triathlon mistakes:

Triathlon Mistake #3: Always train in temperatures that will be similar to event day, even if you are a weenie who thinks they are going to melt anytime it gets above 68 degrees.

Triathlon Mistake #3: Always wear cool, lightweight clothing when racing in high temperatures. (I was wearing long thick, black running pants to hide my sausage legs.)

So I told myself it didn't matter how slow I ran, as long as I didn't stop running.

A mile later, I stopped running (after committing to not stopping running) to take a quick break at a water station and found myself crying for the fourth time during the Portland Triathlon.

That's when a really nice woman who was manning the water station came over to see if I was ok. I told her that I was probably going to be the last person to cross the finish line if I even finished at all and that I felt stupid for crying during a triathlon, but I had been having sleeping problems ever since my husband left and how I had the best husband in the world and I didn't know how I was going to be able to be without him for six months...

That's when she hugged me and I just continued to cry with my face resting in her rather large boosom as she told me about the time when she did a two-day relay race and ended up with her picture in the newspaper - right in front of a 80 year old man who later passed her.

It was her way of making me feel better and I have to say that it worked.

Then I pulled my face out of her boosom, wiped my tears, sucked down the rest of my water and started running once again.

Just as I was about to finish my first, 3-mile loop, I saw Dawn (who had already finished the Sprint Triathlon) cheering me on, saying "You're almost to the finish line."

And that was the fifth time I cried during the Portland Triathlon.

I told her that I still had another three-mile loop to go and because she's a good friend, she offered to run the last three miles with me. I knew she was tired and I knew it was something I had to do on my own, so I told her I was ok and that I'd see her at the finish line.

And then I began my last three-mile loop.

As I got onto the bridge, I could see my sister and a few other onlookers sympathy-cheering for me from below.

I think I only saw three other runners on that last loop and truth be told, I walked a mile of it. About a half of a mile before the finish line though, my sister and Dawn came alongside me to run me in and just a few yards before the finish line, I heard Dawn say, "It's all you now Karen!" as they moved to the sideline so I could cross the finish line on my own.

And that's when I cried for the sixth and final time during the Portland Triathlon.

Which brings us right back to where we started...

Actually, where I finished.

And one last shot after the race. (Right before we had pizza delivered to our hotel room followed by a three hour nap.)

436 people finished the Portland Triathlon that day. 253 people completed the Sprint version (a 1/2 mile run, 16 mile bike and a 3 mile run) and 183 people completed the Olympic version (a 1 mile swim, 24 mile bike and a 6 mile run.) Of the 183 that completed the Olympic, I came in 180th. It took me 4 hours and 15 minutes.

It took me a long time to feel like I was ready to write all of this. In fact, it was just this morning that I finally felt ready.

I guess I just felt defeated.

And I know that sounds silly, because know matter where I finished in the triathlon, I still finished a triathlon (and at the age of 39 nonetheless) but it took a long time for me to get all that into perspective.

The fact that I haven't worked out consistently since then (along with the fact that I gained 7 pounds from my lack of working out) hasn't helped matters either.

I was just telling my sister the other day though, that there was this 3-4 month window of time when I was getting ready for the triathlon when I felt physically and mentally stronger than I had ever felt in my entire life. I was working out regularly and every time I worked out, I listened to a sermon. (Usually something from Andy Stanley because he's funny enough to keep me entertained.)

It was like I was working out my body and my spirit at the same time and despite some really hard stuff that was going on in my life, I felt good.

There have been times in my life when I was thinner and times in my life when my circumstances were better, but never a time in my life when I felt so good, despite my circumstance and appearance.

And I want to feel that way again.

So I guess that means it's time to pull out my secret weapon one more time...

Time is inevitably going to pass and one year from today, you can find yourself in the exact same spot you're in now, you can find yourself further away from your goal or you can find yourself closer to your goal - so where do you want to be a year from now?

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...Thanks for being that one person I can always call when the chips are down.

Comments

[Karen H]

Thank you so much for sharing that! You are amazing and inspiring! If it makes you feel any better, I was so far at the back of a 5K once and couldn't see anyone that I got lost--the course wasn't marked very well. I finally finished but I made the race a lot longer than it was supposed to be;) Always checked the course map after that!

[shalini]

Very inspiring post Karen, thank you for being so real and amazing. I'll keep that quote on my work desk too...
When would Josh be back?

[JulieE]

Way to put yourself out there! See you in class Jan 9.

[Wendy]

You should really be proud of yourself for this! It doesn't matter what place you came in, but the fact that you stayed with it to the end and finished, is awesome!!

[Jane Swanson]

What an amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing it with such honest candor and humor.
You are an incredible woman. I will pray that the months go quickly while you are separated from your husband and that you would feel the presence of God in deep ways while you wait.

I have already printed the quote and have it plastered in a few places to remind me!
(The refrigerator being the MAIN place!)

[kristin]

You are amazing!!!! Congratulations on finishing the tri!!! And thank you for sharing with such honesty. Hope 2012 is great to you!

[Kirsten J]

Dude - I totally forgot about your triathlon and how you didn't tell the story. You never cease to amaze me - I'm just not sure I would have kept going. I totally gasp and choke in water, too. Bottom line, you did it! I only walk, and was going to skip my walk today after 5+ miles yesterday, but I'm going to get out there today, thanks to your inspiration - thank you!!

[Melissa S.]

I've come back to read this 3 or 4 times now. Thanks for putting in the crying parts. I cry too sometimes when I'm pushing through hard stuff, or when I feel overwhelmed by life, even though (in spite of the fact) I'm this really strong (usually) person. The crying parts? So real. Thanks for that.

[Desiree Chandler]

awwwww I LOVE this post!!! you are so inspiring!!! Congratulations and WAY TO GO!!! You ROCK!!!

[Paola Norman]

I'll keep it simple, your AWESOME (and very real). Love your quote, it helps raise one up. Thank-you!

[Janet]

Thanks for sharing you story. I will get to the gym tonight or go for a walk with the dogs.

[Kim]

You inspire me, give me hope and just overall amaze me...

[Jen B]

I love reading your stories Karen, especially this one. I admire your incredible perseverance and the fact that you finished not just a triathlon, but an Olympic distance tri, way to go!

[borcherding]

Karen, KUDOS to you on the triathlon!! freakin' AMAZING! So many people THINK about doing this (myself included) and you actually go out and DO IT!! As something who has done two 5Ks I absolutely LOVED this post because when you talk about the fear of coming in last I can SO relate to that. The two races I entered that was my greatest fear and EACH time my husband told me: WHO CARES what place you come in...you are doing this race for YOU and just finishing is an accomplishment! Why is it so easy for guys to think like that and us women have to ANALYZE everything?!! LOL! CONGRATS on a HUGE accomplishment and I am in LOVE with that quote and I am going to do something special with it. I am at a crossroads right now and this quote is PERFECT! thank you!!

[Amy O'Sullivan]

Wow, I love this! Very inspiring!

[Lauralee]

Sometimes the thing you most need to hear comes just when you need to hear it. Thanks!

[amy]

Yes, you are AMAZING. and inspiring. and beautiful inside and out.
and at 43 (me, really?) i don't want to be where I am with faith, weight, fitness, energy, and motivation... so thank you. here's to 2012.

[Jen CT]

You are amazing!! Get a mirror and look into it to see all that we see. Thank you so much for all you do for us - you are so real. I'm in the cry group too - Thank you!!!

[Amy]

Whoa. That's totally encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm just trying to get ready for my first 5k at the end of February, and every single time I begin a workout I panic and think I'm not going to be able to finish. And then I do somehow. But I'm still kinda worried that I won't be able to do it when the time comes. And the panic/pee thing, totally see myself stuck in the potty when the race starts. And it's just a 5k? Like many of the others, I'm going to print out that quote and put it somewhere I can read every day. Thanks again!

[Shelly McCrary]

So glad that you decided you were ready to post the story of your 1st triathlon, I've been waitng since the day you partipated in it to read about it!
WELL DONE KAREN!
Perserverance is key, and you blew that characteristic away!
I didn't realize that you were competing the day before Josh deployed...talk about adding on challenge on top of challenge. What a strong woman you are indeed!

[Jody Willing]

What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing such an important moment in your life. Just like Tess I cried along with you and was thrilled when you finished.

As you already know finishing anything that comes hard in life is the battle; things that come easy don't make us grow.

May 2012 be as wonderful for you as this post!

[Barbara]

Thank you so much for sharing. So inspiring. I cried with you, but mostly just felt so very PROUD of you. That took so much courage to do. If it was easy, everyone would do it and you truly showed your courage with it being so hard. What a great example for your children, for us all. I will remember this as I am on my journey to fitness. It always seems so easy for other people. Maybe it is, and then again maybe they didn't have the courage to share how hard it was and what it took to accomplish. Thank you, Karen.
Again, I am just so very proud of you.

[Claygirlsings.wordpress.com]

Those people on the sidelines? Not sympathy clapping. Nope. That was clapping in awe of someone who had more guts than they did. Someone who got off the sidelines and into the triathlon.

[Ann]

What an absolutely touching, inspiring writing. Thank you for sharing. I havent cried tears that real in a long time. God bless. Keep going--you can do it!!! <3

[Melinda~]

I read this but got sidetracked and didnt get a chance to respond, and tell you how awesome this post is. Later in the evening I was reading some Biblical cornerstones to my children when I read a section and knew I had to share with you. God was with you through the whole race and sent encouragement in the beginning with Josh, in the middle with the water lady and in the end with your sister/friend! I hope the following blesses you!
"As you read the Bible, you will come across words like endurance and perseverance. These words are often used when the Bible compares the Christian life to a race. The race referred to is a marathon, not a fifty-yard dash. Because the Christian life is a long distance run, you need to pace yourself, to persevere, and most of all, to FINISH the race." The following passages describe how and why you need to persevere through the inevitable strugglies in life:

Perseverance produces results-As you grow in your understanding of God's Word and apply it to your life, you will win others to the Lord. (Luke 8:15)
Life's trials will make you stronger-You shouldn't view difficulties as obstacles to your faith, but as opportunities for spiritual growth. (James 1:2-4)
Christ endured great pain for us- Jesus modeled the ultimate in endurance so that we would be encouraged to keep our faith strong in the race of life. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
God honors those who persevere- A wholehearted commitment to God will enable you to finish well with your faith in tact. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

[Lisa V.]

Karen, you are an amazing woman - don't EVER doubt that. I'm so proud of you for competing in that triathalon, what an accomplishment! You pushed yourself. Really, truly pushed yourself beyond your limits and SUCCEEDED. And at such a difficult time in your life too.
You did something I can't even dream of doing. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis throughout my body. I struggle to walk to the end of my short street - on a good day. Be grateful and proud, Woman! You are blessed! Thank you for sharing your story,it inspires me to try harder.

[Bernadette @b3hd]

I lurk here all the time. And I know you don't blog for comments but I couldn't not just say hello on this post. So many times, I've intended to say just how much one of your posts has touched me. And then the days (weeks, months, years) passed by.

One day (not soon, but someday...maybe when I'm 39 *smile*). I will do a marathon. Whole heartedly. Not as just something to check off a list. I'm honestly so afraid of everything that you wrote and as I read your post I was like "and she's still here to tell the tale".

I'm not as young as I used to be and I'm a procrastinator by nature. But your post really pushed me to really stop for a moment ("stop" to a procrastinator is a comfy place, I suppose) and really think about being intentional.

Oh. And you mentioned that Josh left out of El Paso for Afghanistan. And that was the moment I cried. I miss home (I'm a military brat) and I miss a lot of stuff because I'm often too afraid to just get up and try already.

Thank you for taking the time to be vulnerable. Often.

[christine]

this is so touching and raw and beautiful.
you are a gifted writer
and such an inspiration

[Anna A.]

My dad always tells me the exact.same.thing. Smart people, I suppose. I was just telling my sister-in-law that I want to do a triathalon - despite the fact that I can't even swim one full lap without stopping to catch my breath. But I keep thinking that if I can complete a triathalon, I can complete ANYTHING. I really needed to hear what you had to say today - you rock! And if you ever want to do another triathalon with a total stranger from Alaska - let me know. ;)

[Gayle]

You should be proud of yourself for even attempting such a thing! My boyfriend is a triathlete and it's tough stuff, even for a little skinny runner/biker/Navy guy! And it's okay to cry! Thank God for the older women out there who can dispense love and support (and a bosom to cry on) at exactly the right time. I was a single mom for a long time before I met my beloved. There have been many days when I didn't think I'd make it another minute, hour, day. Those women and other angels God sent to me were the difference.

[Rachel]

I'm not surprised you cried! I just cried, but that was exactly what I needed to read. thank you for sharing! :)

[Heidi]

Karen - kudos. I cried as I read this as well. But I smiled while I cried if that counts. :) I've been waffling on a goal for 2012. And obviously, God sent me here tonight to read that quote (and I'm reading this post on Jan 8th because I'm playing catch up on blog reading after the holidays!). THANKS. I love how brave you are. (but even better, your children will love your bravery for lifetimes to come!) Heidi in Ontario

[Catina]

When am I going to learn to stop reading your blog at work? I cry EVERYTIME no matter what you are writing about and I ALWAYS read to the end!:) Thanks again for inspiring me. YOU ROCK!

[Kim Thomas]

I have to say, I don't know why you ever felt like a loser. Your story is so inspiring, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you for posting it. You are an amazing woman, god bless you. And you are lucky to have such a wonderful sister. Take care. :)

[kim]

I've been wanting to do a 5k since starting to run last January but have been afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it or worried that I wouldn't be able to run the whole way. Thanks for inspring me! I'm going to be 50 in April and my goal is to run one before then!

[Courtney]

Soooo inspiring, Karen! You should be super PROUD of what you accomplished!! Way to go!!

[Nathalie Hardy]

Imagine what the numbers would be if you compared all the people who haven't ever tried something like this - to the ones who did - like, say, you! Awesome, awesome you. Enjoy your journey this year!

[Rebecca]

You are amazing. Thank you for sharing. I almost cried, and probably the only thing that kept me from doing it is knowing once I start it will be hard to stop and I don't want to explain that to my kids right now. I love the fact you found the inspiration to do this, despite all that felt against you. Right now I am actually inspired. My husband ran a 15K this past summer and I can barley walk 3 miles. But after 4 kids and the weight that has come with that I'm trying. And the quote you shared is going on a page to hang on my wall today. Thank you.

[Jeanette]

I am always telling everyone that "everything happens for a reason." Today your post was put in front of me by Ali Edwards for a reason. I have been really evaluating myself recently and your post really touched me; especially the quote. Thank you for writing to all of us about your experience and thank you to Ali for introducing me to your blog.

[Kristina Australia]

I cried too.... Loved it. You are truly amazing. You have just made the impossible seem possible after reading your story. You are so inspirational. After reading your story I know then absolutely I can do anything. Thank you.

[Elizabeth]

You are an inspiration in many ways. I've *cried* reading this. Like cried. Cried. Thanks, I guess. Lol :)

[Tinka]

I too cried while reading your story...and as someone who has come in so far last doing a 5k that the the cop tailing the participants asked if I wanted a ride and the finish line was being dismantled when I finally got to it (on my own two feet, thank you very much!), I definitely sympathize with you. BUT, the point, as you came to realize, is that you DID it...you didn't give up and you proved how strong you are. I've never been an "athlete". For starters, I'm not really that competitive - I like beating my own times but for me the thrill of doing a race/walk is proving to myself that I CAN do it. I have severe arthritis in one ankle (joint replacement is in my future) and am actually, per my orthopedic surgeon, not supposed to do any sustained walking and most definitely no running. However, I do walk (almost) every year in the Race for the Cure (with a fracture boot on the bad foot) and am happy to finish in an hour or so...at least with that many participants, I'd have to be crawling to come in last! ;o) And, even though I am 100+ lbs overweight, in November 2011 I actually did a half marathon with virtually no training, except walking maybe once a week for about 6 weeks before race day! It was hands (feet?) down the hardest thing I have ever done. I started out fairly good but got slower and slower with each mile...at mile 7, I was passed by an old(er) woman using a walker and shortly after that, a man with an artifical leg passed me as well! By mile 9, I was ready to quit because every part of my body HURT so badly and I was having trouble breathing from trying so hard not to have a total breakdown. If it weren't for the encouraging texts I was getting from my family each time I sent them a photo of the mile marker I was passing, I would have just laid down in the street and waited for someone to pick me up. But, I kept going repeating all the while "just put one foot in front of the other". Once I got to mile 10, I started feeling better emotionally and knew I had gone too far to give up. But when I saw the hill at the start of the last 1/4 mile, I thought "there is no freakin' way I can make it", lol! But, I just kept my eyes on the pavement right in front of me and I got to the top! And I have never felt more proud of myself as I did crossing that finish line. Even better was the fact that I wasn't anywhere close to being last! I plan to do the same half marathon this year but will actually train properly for it. Reading your story is giving me even more inspiration, so thanks for sharing it with us!

I am getting ready to sign up for the Ireland trip...so very excited about it!

[Nancy Wyatt]

Oh my gosh Karen Russell! I cried the entire time you wrote about the tri! Congrats, you are AMAZING! Thanks for the inspiration, you ROCK!!! Hugs from Conroe, TX!

[Jennifer]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm really proud of you and inspired to feel the same way about myself.

[Susie]

Fantastic, Karen! I'm laughing, I'm crying and I'm cheering you on AND I'm smiling- because you did it! What great message, thank you for sharing it here and for so many people to inspire :)

[Lisa]

Good for you. You did it. It's all you. You should be very proud of yourself.

[Shirra VanZwieten]

Dear Karen

I can't tell you how much this post touched me. I am a "runner" - don't look like one, but have found my athlete again at an overweight 150 lbs. Last year I ran the Buffalo 1/2 Marathon and it was pretty much a disaster. It was the second one I've done - and in so manner ways, horrible from start to finish. I probably walked half of it. I was (am) so disappointed in myself. My husband kept saying - you ran 13.1 miles - but in my head, I failed. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone in my struggles - that other people experience challenges like I do. I love your vulnerability in your blog. I relate to you in many ways - faith, transparency, children, humor and ultimately joie de vivre that I hear in between the lines. I took your photography class and LOVED it. I'm cheering in your corner for you and the fam with your husband serving our country. Thanks for sharing - shirra

[Cheryl M]

Okay, I just read this today but add me to the sniffling-kleenex-grabbing bunch. And I just have to say woman, you have absolutely NO reason to feel bad AT ALL! Do you have any idea how much admiration I have for you right now?? I USED to be trim and fit and now I'm a 54 year-old grandma to 4 grandsons and can't even walk 1 stinkin' mile on the treadmill because I don't have any willpower.
But you have spurred me to get off the couch and DO SOMETHING!
And I LOVE the "one year from today"...........it's my new motto!!
Thank you Karen for being who you are and so real to all of us!
Love ya gal!!

[Julia Spencer]

You lapped everyone on the couch. :) You finished. You finished. You finished. Sometimes that goal is more worthy than a win.

[Julie]

I came in dead last in a triathlon once. My bike was nicknamed the Heifer because it was so heavy. I was passed by every single biker and was followed by the sag wagon for most of the bike route. I cried for nearly the entire route. I told myself I'd let myself quit if I played the ABC game and made it all the way through the alphabet on the road signs. I never found the letter Z and finished. It was the worst and best race of my life.

My triathlon days came before I was a 30 (now 34) year old single mom. Reading your post makes me want to race again. Only with a lighter bike. :-)

[Becca]

You absolutely have nothing to feel defeated or discouraged about! What you accomplished is AMAZING! You should hold your head high and be proud. Becca :-)

[triathlon training]

Hi,"You are awesome!!" I am very impressed to watching your post.That is very authentic & fantastic.

[dana]

I "stumbled" upon your post through Pinterest of all places. . . and it was a twisty trail to get here at that, but I'm SO thrilled I did!!!

I LOVED this post!! I am MUCH older than you. I started running two summers ago at the age of 63. I am still stuck at the 5K level cuz I've had a couple of physical set backs (plantar fasciitis and a pulled hamstring...and now a broken bone in a hand...cuz I tripped on a sidewalk...yep, while running).....however, I still love the challenge of running and when I get the blasted splint off my hand in 9 days, I will be back out there working again on regaining my 5K endurance lever.

I so admire you and the other 2 for making that commitment and sticking to it. I admire you the most, though, for hanging in there and finishing ...you are a hero to me! I would never be able to compete in one of those for two reasons....no bike...and I hate water...but I think it's wonderful that you did that!!!!!

I'm going to share this post with some running buddies of mine...some my age and a couple of 40 somethings. We're all pretty new at running and I'm sure they will love your story as much as I do!!

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[SC]

I just stumbled on this post and am so thankful for it! I just signed up for this year's Portland Triathlon and could not be more nervous, even 9 months out! I've never done any kind of race, and unlike most first time Tri-attempters, my weak point is the running and my strong is the swimming. I'm really not even sure it's a realistic goal to say I'll run the whole running portion. I'm probably going to read this post a bunch of times between now and September. Thanks for sharing, even if it was hard.

[Emily]

I googled "weeping during a triathlon" and your blog came up. Thank you for sharing your story. I just finished my 4th tri yesterday, and have never had a more difficult time. Apparently I pushed myself mentally more during the swim than I'd ever had to before and started hysterically weeping during the bike component and then again during the run. But, I finished. Your story soothed me, and made me super impressed with you.