Sorry to have gone missing.
I just had my plate full with Annie's stomach problems (finally feeling hopeful after finding a new doctor that understands Fructose Malabsorption - but will share more about that later), lots of evaluations to write for my students from the last Photographers' Workshop (I'm taking December off, and have another workshop starting up the first week of January), and lots of other craziness and busyness that just keeps draining my emotions, and my time, and my energy.
Last month was nine years worth of blogging for me though.
And I don't think I'm ready to give up.
I want to write.
And I want to shoot.
I just seem to be struggling with both as of late.
I think I've still got some more in me though.
Just need to find it.
Like most things in life though, I know 'it' isn't going to come looking for me.
So I've got to go looking for it.
I think 'it' is always hiding in the commonplace. The routine. The day-to-day. And I just seem to overlook it because it all begins to look and feel so familiar, and so ordinary, and so mundane that my senses become numb to how sweet, and how extraordinary, and how beautiful this life really is - even when it doesn't feel sweet, or extraordinary, or beautiful.
I just need fresh eyes.
And a thankful heart.
And the presence to pause and soak it all in.
Even on a Wednesday night that doesn't feel like anything special...
When I'm cooking tacos. (And even when I'm mortified by my double-chin.)
When they walk through the door.
When we fill our bellies together. (Even when I've been stumped for five years about how to decorate those boring, white walls.)
When she takes a pile of herbs & supplements to deal with her stomach problems.
When she dances while she brushes.
When he makes a cover for his music binder. (Even when he wastes all of my printer ink by making the background for that cover black instead of white.)
When he scrubs out the cooler.
When she delights in finding out that the old iPhone I dropped in the tub is still semi-operable.
When she writes a story.
When he plays the piano.
When they wrestle.
When they play a board game together. (Even when that board game ends just a few minutes in because they can't stop fighting.)
When he's looking up a recipe on his phone while drinking a beer.
When they all lose their marbles with excitement because I made cookies. (Even when I'm the kind of mom who buys pre-made cookie dough - and even when I have to go to three different grocery stores to find pre-made cookie dough that is ok for Annie's stomach.)
And unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective), I get another opportunity to go looking for 'it' almost every day, because no matter how many times I find it, it seems to turn up missing again.
I just don't know why I am so easily fooled into looking for it in places where I can never find it.
Why I go searching for it in places it never hides.
And how surprised I am over and over again to find it in the same place.