Having computer problems again so I'll be back once I get them resolved.
I hate computers.
Normal
It seems like everything I heard and everyone I know (especially military members/military wives) was warning me that the transition after Josh came home from Afghanistan was going to be hard.
His boss even called me called me a few weeks before Josh was due to come home to talk to me about it - saying that after six months of being home from Afghanistan, things were just starting to get back to normal for him and his own family and that I should be prepared for the same.
I listened to it and I believed it, but I guess there was a part of me that just assumed that we would be the exception. Maybe because Josh is an engineer in the Air Force and even though the amount of travel he had to do in Afghanistan was unsafe, he wasn't exposed to the kind of action that a lot of military members are exposed to. Maybe because Josh is the most solid, stable, grounded person I know. Maybe because our relationship has always been so good.
I guess I thought that somehow we'd just come back together after those seven months and everything would be normal.
It hasn't been normal though.
It's been a mix of wonderful and hard.
Very wonderful.
And very hard.
But definitely not normal.
And after a particularly bad day, where we had to sit down and talk about some stuff that isn't so easy to talk about (especially for a non-communicator like Josh Downs) I'm starting to feel like maybe things are finally getting back to normal.
Maybe even better than normal.
And walking down the hall to see this the other night made me realize it...
Somehow they ended up wrestling in Courtney's room even though Courtney was at her mom's. (Josh is protecting his ears because Annie's only wrestling move is ear-pinching.)
And it just reminded me of how much I love normalcy.
How easy it is to take it for granted.
How sorely it's missed when it's no longer there.
And how beautiful it is when it returns.
Friday
Ross and I spent most of the day together on Friday (before he moved on Saturday) just hanging out and talking.
Then we picked the little kids up from school, loaded up the car and headed out to my mom's house. (It's a long story, but my mom used to own this propery, but then she sold it to her brother and now they're both living on it.)
Ross has known this place since he was a newborn and I think it's probably his favorite place on earth.
As soon as we got there, we went for a walk. (It's tick season and even though I checked the kids over before bed, Annie still got one on the top of her head. I just marked a big circle around it with a Sharpie pen per the doctors recommendation so I can keep an eye on it though and all looks well.)
Ross comes up here and sleeps in that teepee all the time.
That sweatshirt is just a much-loved hand-me-down from Ross. (Don't let the name fool you, it's NOT a Christian band...and it's NOT something my 11 year old son is allowed to listen to.)
Roscoe-T really loves his Grandma.
Annie was all about finding animal bones for show-and-tell at school. (She has no aversion to bugs or bones or anything gross like that and I've got a cereal bowl full of snails sitting on my kitchen table right now to prove it.)
And my mom was all about teaching the girls about all the plants growing on the property.
Yes, Shindand is still in his cone. (Just a few more days to go.)
Makes me so happy to have a shot like that one.
Makes me happy to have this one too.
Especially after taking a bunch that looked like this. (Ross tickled Annie too hard so she started crying.)
So Ross threatened to throw her in the creek.
Which only escalated the situation.
And then we hung out in my mom's R.V.
And had dinner. (Bean dip, fruit and Vitamin Water.)
And hung out some more.
Cole wouldn't get off of Annie so she tooted on him. (Apparently, that's her tooting face.)
And then we played Poor Man's Pocker before calling it a night.
Ross played too (he was just laying on the couch next to us so you couldn't see him in any of these shots.)
It drives Annie crazy to have a messy stack of cards (because she's a little on the OCD side like her mamma.)
Miss you already Roscoe-T.
447 Miles
Ross moved up to Marysville, Washington on Saturday.
That's 447 miles away.
I was sad when he moved to Klamath Falls a few years ago, but that was where I went to college and I was excited for him to go to college there too and it was only 78 miles away so I knew I'd see him on weekends. And I was ok when he moved to Grants Pass because Grants Pass has always felt like 'home' to him so I knew he'd move back there eventually and since it was only 22 miles away, I could see him any time I wanted to.
But now there's 447 miles between us.
447 miles if I want to see him. 447 miles if I want to have lunch with him. 447 miles if he needs me.
And I can handle the thought of that if I think of it as a short-term thing - if I think about him staying up there for just a year or two.
I guess what has me feeling so heavyhearted is the thought that I might never live less than 447 miles away from my oldest son again. That whenever I want to see him, it will require an extensively planned trip. That I may not see him more than three or four times a year. That I may not get to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas or his birthday with him.
That when he has a family someday, I won't be close enough to be a part of their regular lives.
And that makes 447 miles seem really far away.
I used to think about this when he was young and since it was just he and I for so many years, I just assumed that when he was old enough to move out that I'd follow him. That I'd just pack up and move wherever he decided to go to college. Wherever he took a job. Wherever he decided to raise his own family.
I was a dental hygienist so I could find work anywhere and since he was all I had, what else was I going to do?
But I've got a husband and three little kids now so following Ross isn't an option. (And I realize that following Ross around every time he moved wouldn't be healthy for him anyhow.)
So I guess I've got 447 miles to make peace with and I'm just not sure how to do it.
The Date
Josh got a room for us at the Columbia Hotel in Ashland a few weeks back so we could have a night away from home.
We planned everything so I could get there early, go running, walk around town, get ready and meet up with him at 7:30 at The Black Sheep (an English Pub where we went on our first date.)
I almost didn't take my camera out of the bag, because even though I really want to shoot memories like this, I grow really tired of/feel really silly taking self-portraits. But alas, I did take my camera out of the bag and challenged myself to document the evening in different ways from the mirror in our room.
And in the end, I did end up with a handful of photos to document the evening and a bit of fodder for which to mock myself...
That's me after getting checked in.
I guess looking at the mirror just seemed too predictable, so I went with a much less predictable, pondering-life's-greater-meaning-while-looking-out-the-window look instead.
Me before heading out for a run.
When I pressed my arm up against the side of my body, it looked like a big ole' hambone, so I decided to stick it out like a chicken wing instead.
Me after a run.
I bought a salted caramel apple and a bottle of water. (I could have spent the whole evening alone with my apple if I didn't have such a hot date planned.)
Me after a shower and a curling iron, apparently thinking that a good head-tilt improves my appearance.
And us at about 10:30 p.m. when we called it a night (which is apparently when my gummiest smiles come out).
Hope your weekend is great.
Four Failures = Four Successes
1. Josh Downs recently sent this email to our softball team:
Happy Saturday Believers! Tomorrow is going to be a great softball day. Good news first...we're 5th in our division. Bad news...there's only five teams.
The failure: We've lost every game we've played so far.
The success: We're playing anyhow and celebrating with beer and pizza after every game.
2. I was supposed to bike 20 miles yesterday in order to stay on track with my triathlon training program. Once I got out there though, my butt was killing me and my back was killing me and I gave up after 13 miles.
The failure: I was seven miles short of meeting my goal.
The success: This time two years ago, I couldn't have biked 13 miles. (And I wore a pair of shorts while I was biking yesterday, which is literally the first time these little sausages have adorned a pair of shorts in the last decade.)
3. On Tuesday, Josh and I planned on taking the kids for our first long bike ride of the season (an 8 mile round-trip to dinner and back) and I had been looking forward to it all day. Our plan was to leave the house no later than 5:00 p.m., but at 5:30 p.m., Josh was still busy trying to fix the brakes on Courtney's bike and was getting a little bit crankier with each passing minute.
I know nothing of brakes, so I took pictures...
Nice face chickie.
When I mentioned to Josh that he should bring his flashlight since we'd be riding home in the dark, Courtney Lee lost her ever-loving, fraidy-cat marbles.
At about 5:45 p.m., I told Josh I didn't think we should go because Courtney was going to be upset the whole ride home and at about 5:45:15, Josh told me that Courtney Lee doesn't make the decisions in our house.
It escalated privately in the living room from there (but I'll spare you those details) and ended with Josh Downs and the kids heading out to dinner on their bikes without me.
At about 6:00 p.m., Josh called me and told me that I should try to catch up with them on my bike. I declined. At about 6:03, Josh called me again and told me I should try to catch up with them on my bike. I declined again. At about 6:05, Josh called once more to ask me to catch up with them. I declined more sternly this time and the conversation escalated from there (but I'll spare you those details).
At about 6:07 p.m., I jumped on my bike to catch up with my family (and left my camera at home to save time).
When I caught up with them, some of us hollered greetings, some of us hugged and some of us apologized before going on our merry-way.
Just a few minutes into our merry-way though, Annie had her first-ever bike wreck which resulted in screams and tears and a road-rash on her right palm. While we consoled Annie, Courtney Lee broke into tears once again after realizing that Annie's bike crash had cost us even more precious daylight.
I once again suggested we head home, but was vetoed by Josh, Cole and Annie.
A few minutes further into our (now) not-so-merry way, Josh Downs got a flat tire.
So we headed back, loaded up in the truck and drove to dinner.
The failure: A highly-anticipated bike-ride that turned into a high-drama train-wreck.
The success: We all got over it and had a great time at dinner anyhow.
4. I decided to participate in the Clickin Moms affiliate program with the intention of giving away all the prizes and all the money like I did a couple of years ago, but we didn't get enough new memberships to win all the prizes. (We needed 300...we got 96.)
The failure: I don't get to give away the $100 CMworkshop, the Apple 16gb iPad or the new Canon 5D Mark III/Nikon D800.
The success: I do get to give away a $25 Starbucks card, a $50 Amazon gift card and some new camera gear ($925 worth that I earned from affiliate points) to the following three people, which I used a random number generator to pick:
- The $25 Starbucks gift card goes to Shannon Klock.
- The $50 Amazon gift card goes to Patty Seiger.
- The $925 in camera gear goes to Amy Kirschke.
Shannon, Patty and Amy, can you please email me at karen@snapshotsofagoodlife.com so we can work out the details?
Just push through the failure and you'll find the success.
Easter Part III
After the first part of the party, it seemed like everyone was ready to head home, so we decided to carry all the chairs and dinner supplies back from the creek.
But then everyone set their chairs down by the house and stayed for a couple more hours.
Flart.
Pout.
Flart.
Yes Bradly, I did notice you (purposely) scratching your backside for the camera.
Flart.
And that's (finally) the last of the Easter photos.
The Weekend
I didn't take one shot all weekend (Coley took that one for me) but it was a busy one none-the-less...
- Courtney asked if I could wake her up early on Friday morning so she could get her room ready for a friend to stay the night. I helped her find the perfect quilt for the spare bed and then we borrowed a few of Annie's cutest pillows to make it perfect. Then she finished it off by placing a few leftover Easter chocolates on the pillow. (No, she did not come from my womb, but somehow she got my genetic detail-loving DNA anyhow.)
- I took the kids to school and Shindand to the vet to get his man-parts snipped. (Here's to hoping that a decrease in testosterone is going to solve our dog-problems.)
- I took Shelby (our other dog) to Annie's school for show-n-tell.
- My mom and I spent most of Friday planting and working and laughing and running to the coffee shop together.
- On one of three trips to the Grange (For steer manure this time.) we drove past Annie's school and saw her standing underneath the play structure by herself, crying. I pulled over and walked up to the fence to ask her what was wrong and she said she missed me and wanted to come home with me so that's precisely what we did.
- Josh picked Cole and Courtney (and Courtney's friend) up from school.
- Annie had been looking forward to staying the weekend with her Grandma and Grandpa, but called in tears (just 10 minutes before a photo shoot I was doing) because she missed me and wanted to come home so that's precisely what we did. (Josh picked her up.)
- Cole stayed Friday night with his Paka because he couldn't bare the thought of being stuck in a house with so many girls. (Poor Coley is almost always outnumbered by girls since we've got nothing but girl-cousins and girl-neighbors.)
- Courtney and her friend rode scooters around all evening. (Courtney took her reading timer with her so she could check in with us every 30 minutes.)
- After coming home from looking at baby chicks at the Grange, Courtney made me close my eyes and told me she had a surprise for me. I was afraid it was a baby chicken, but thankfully it turned out to be a pot of orange-sherbet colored begonias. (She spent $7 of her own birthday money on them.)
- I took the girls to pick-up Yummy Yans (Chinese) for dinner (their pick).
- The girls played Yahtzee.
- I laid in bed watching Friday Night Lights (My mom got me hooked.) on Netflix while the girls watched a bazillion episodes of The Muppets. (Aside from the accent, I swear that my husband looks/acts just like the coach on Friday Night Lights.)
- Josh and my mom and I worked in the yard all day on Saturday.
- There was a city-wide yard sale here in town so the girls rode their scooters around, picking up garage sale finds all morning.
- Coley's friend came over at about 1:00 pm so I went and grabbed five Happy Meals for lunch.
- Josh spent about seven hours weed-eating our half-acre back yard. (I came home from Target one night last summer to find a fire truck and police cars lined-up in front of my house and as hopped out of my car and ran towards the house (with my heart in my throat) someone stopped me to tell me that everything was ok and that one of our neighbors had accidentally shot a firecracker off into our backyard and since the weeds were so high, it set off a big fire. Josh Downs would be sad if I failed to mention that he put out the fire with a hose in one hand while he dialed 911 with his cell phone in the other.)
- I took Annie to a birthday party at 2:00.
- I took Courtney's friend home at 3:00.
- I dropped Courtney off at the same birthday part that Annie was at around 3:15.
- I laid in bed and watched another episode of Friday Night Lights before we headed to Chely's for Mexican food. (Since the girls got to pick Chinese on Friday, the boys got to pick Mexican on Saturday.)
- Josh and I and played catch in the road until I pulled a stomach muscle or something throwing my fast (slow) ball.
- Josh and I sat on the front porch with a drink, reading books and admiring our yard work. (And when he realized I was out of limes for my drink, he ran down to the store to get more.)
- Josh and the boys slept on top of the roof.
- Sunday morning, Josh made french toast with fresh strawberries and blackberries and real maple syrup.
- I read part of an excerpt from a book I'm reading to Josh and cried while reading this part about feasting versus fasting (Not literal feasting and fasting, but more like giving versus taking.): "At some point, the church stopped living the Bible and decided just to study it, culling the feast parts and whitewashing the fast parts. We are addicted to the buffet, skillfully discarding the costly discipleship required after consuming. The feast is supposed to sustain the fast, but we go back for second and thirds and fourths, stuffed to the brim and fat with inactivity. All this is for me. My goodness, my blessings, my privileges, my happiness, my success. Just one more plate." (Ouch.)
- We went to church.
- Annie cried and held onto my leg because she wanted to go to grown-up church with me instead of little-kid church so that's precisely what we did. (All of this is pretty unlike Annie, so even though I'm not big on caving into crying, I'm just going to give her the mommy-time she's needing right now.)
- I made lunch for the kids (grilled cheese and blackberries) while Josh and Cole went to Fred Meyers to find a new pair of sunglasses for Josh.
- We got to our softball game an hour early so we warmed-up for awhile (since almost everyone on our softball team got injured during out double-header last weekend) and then I read my book while the kids all played on the playground.
- We lost our softball game. (We've lost every softball game so far.)
- We went out for pizza and beer (except I don't like beer) with our softball/Bible Study group and all our kids.
- Josh spent the evening getting all of our bikes ready for bike-riding season and then we rode around the neighborhood together.
- We tried to reintroduce Shelby and Shindand to each other after two weeks of being separated. (Apparently, a decrease in testosterone is not going to solve our dog-problems.)
- I blew up a huge exercise ball and threw it out in the backyard for Shindand to 'herd' (per the advice of a dog trainer I'm working with.)
- Courtney Lee few over the top of her handlebars in what was her worst bike-wreck to date. (She's still limping this morning.)
- The kids got to bed 45 minutes late.
- Josh and I laid in bed listening to a sermon on marriage before calling it a night.
- Boring to read I'm sure (I know, it was boring to write.) but it's stuff I want to remember anyhow.
Hope yours was good.
My Big, Gushy Heart
Still needing to sort through the rest of my Easter shots, but no time this morning so I'll just share this one for now...
I walked into Courtney's room the other night to find this.
So I spun around on one foot and sprinted down the hallway to grab my camera because I've got a big, gushy heart that wants to have a moment like this saved on a little piece of 4x6 inch photographic paper forever.
But lest anyone think our days and nights are filled with nothing but moments like this, let me share with you a short segment from an entire morning (this morning) that went on just like this:
Annie: Ugh. I was sitting there. Mooooom, I was sitting there and then Courtney took my stool.
Annie: Why do I have to eat a prune for breakfast? Prunes are like the grossest fruit ever invented.
Cole: That's so disgusting Courtney, I can't believe you're scraping your banana with your almonds and then eating them. (And then moves his stool to the other side of the table in a sign of banana-scraping protest.)
Annie: Sneeze. Sneeze.
Courtney: Giggle.
Annie: Don't laugh at me Courtney!!!
Courtney: Goes to eat a bite of her banana and it breaks in half (because she scraped it half to death with her almonds) and falls onto her lap.
Cole: Laugh.
Courtney: Don't laugh at me Cole!!! K.K., Cole's laughing at me because my banana broke.
Me: Irritated. Silent.
Cole: Well you laughed at Annie when she sneezed so I can laugh at you.
Me: Courtney laughed at Annie because she double-sneezed and it sounded cute. You were laughing at Courtney because you were happy to see her banana fall in her lap. Big difference.
Cole: How come I'm always the one who gets in trouble?
Courtney: Big, dramatic sigh and a rolling of the eyes.
Me: Courtney, you're the only one who's not in trouble so far this morning so lets lay off the drama before you get in trouble too.
Cole: Can I have pears in my lunch?
Annie: I don't want pears, I want strawberries.
Courtney: Can I have pears and strawberries?
Annie: Ouch. Owwww. Owwwwie. Moooooooooom, why do you have to brush my hair so hard?
Me: Annie, move your hand out of the way while I'm trying to brush your hair or I'm going to whack it.
Me: Guys, be sure to put your dishes in the sink and push your stools in.
Cole, Courtney and Annie: Yes mom, yes K.K., sure mommy.
Annie: Courtney didn't put her plate in the sink.
Courtney: Annie didn't push her stool in.
And once everyone clears out of the kitchen to go brush their teeth, I look around to see that all the plates are still on the table and none of the stools are pushed in.
These are the moments when my big, gushy heart feels shriveled-up and worn-out and ticked-off and fed-up and ready for them to go to school.
Not only that, but I wish school was year-round and that it started at 7:00 a.m. and ended at 7 p.m.
Easter Part II
We spend Easter out at my Uncle Donnie's/my mom's place. (Long story, but my mom used to own this place, but later sold it to my uncle and now they're both living out there.)
Grandma Jo made Easter bags for all each of the kids.
And my Uncle Donnie got hula hoops and bubbles and jump ropes for all of them too.
Or perhaps he got them for himself.
And I brought pictures from the first Easter Ross ever spent out at my mom's place.
He was one week old and my Grandma Kane (who loved this place, but passed away almost 17 years ago) made a cake to celebrate his first week of life.
Ross loves this place too and whenever he gets the chance, he comes out here with his friends or with our dog, Shelby to camp out in an old teepee my Uncle Donnie set up a few years ago.
I think everybody loves this place.
My Uncle Donnie also got each of the kids a can of Flart.
Apparently Flart is just a plastic can with a bunch of colored goo in it, but when you press your fingers into the goo, it makes farting noises, which supplied the kids (and the adults) with endless amounts of fun and Flart jokes.
Flart.
Flart.
Flart.
And then we ate Easter dinner. (Ham, potatoes, hotdogs, etc.)
And then we did another Easter egg hunt.
Where's the egg?
Where's the egg?
Where's the egg?
And then we celebrated birthdays for Ross and Grandpa Leroy.
And then we threw rocks in the creek and had sword-fights.
And loved on our Grandmas.
And then the grown-ups threw Frisbees at the kids (until we lost all the Frisbees in the creek.)
And then everyone grabbed a few chairs and all the dinner supplies to carry back up to the house before heading home.
But the party didn't end. (Will post the rest of the shots sometime tomorrow.)
Oh, and yes, we were missing some important people:
1. Courtney Lee was at her mom's, which is a fair excuse for not coming.
2. Cali and Ross decided to break up after 3 1/2 years of dating, which is a fair excuse for not coming. (We miss you Cali.)
3. My dad & step-mom were busy resting at home, which is a lame excuse for not coming. (Yes, I'm talking to you Dad.)
