He's a Comforter

Josh gave me a necklace with 'Joshua 1:9' engraved on it last month.

He reminded me that Joshua 1:9 was part of a benediction he gave at a military ceremony a few years back. And while I've read the Bible from cover to cover (took me 14 months) and have taken part in lots of Bible studies over the last few years, I really stink at memorizing and recalling scripture, so truth be told, I didn't have a clue what Joshua 1:9 even said.

So I told myself I'd look it up the next day, but I got busy and didn't.

The day after that, I had a feeling that I really needed to look up that scripture, but I got busy and forgot about it.

And I thought it was quite odd that I had the same feeling the very next day, and the day after that as well, but I just told myself that I'd look it up in the evening when I had more time, but that time never came.

And then I got some really crappy news and spent the whole day reeling from it.

That night, Cole came to me and asked if I could check to make sure he had memorized his weekly Bible verse correctly. I said, 'yes' and when he handed me a copy of his verse, I looked down to see it was Joshua 1:9 and realized that God had been trying to prepare me for the news that was about to come, but I wouldn't listen.

So now, he was trying to comfort me with those words instead.

This morning was one of those mornings where I just wanted to crawl back into bed, put the covers over my head and pretend that life wasn't happening.

We've got a blended family and that means that we periodically struggle from some of the natural consequences of divorce and multiple parents, all trying to raise the same child.

And while it's not my intention to be vague - the details aren't mine to share publically and even if they were, doing so wouldn't improve the situation, so there's no point.

Suffice to say it was a crappy morning though and my mind was so distracted that when I left the house, I forgot about two important things I was supposed to drop off for two different people after taking the kids to school.

When I got back home, I received a text from one of those people. (Sorry Diane!)

So I washed my face, threw on some pants, told her I was on my way, grabbed both of the items I was supposed to drop off earlier, set both of those things down while I was looking for my keys and then left the house without either of the items I was supposed to drop off (again.)

When I (finally) arrived at the first drop-off location with the item in tow, she asked me if I was ok and if I wanted to talk.

I said 'no' because quite honestly, I've just found over the years that when it comes to problems that there are no solutions for, talking about them just feels like needless complaining that doesn't serve any purpose other than to get me unnecessarily worked up - so I've just found that the only constructive thing I can do with those kinds of problems is to pray about them and to try to let God settle them in my heart.

When I arrived at the second drop-off location, I was thrilled to see that the front door was locked, which meant I could just drop the package off on the front step, without having to talk to anyone.

Just as I was about to successfully sneak back into my car without being seen though, an acquaintance opened the front door to retrieve the package and saw me.

Since I had been spotted, I felt I had no other choice but to put on a (pretend) happy face and to greet the package-retrieving acquaintance.

She asked me how I was doing and without the least bit of forethought, I blurted out, "It's really been a crappy morning." and that's when I could feel the first tears welling up in my eyes over what had occurred earlier in the morning.

She immediately responded by saying, "You know, my life is kind in shambles right now too." and went on to say that God is teaching her that she has to be willing to die to herself and her plans and her agenda, and what she thinks is fair every single day.

And she said she's learning that her children and her grandchildren belong to God, her friendships belong to God, and that every relationship of hers, both good and bad, belong to God too - and therefore, she has to be willing to hand each and every one of them over to Him and to trust fully in His plans for them.

What stuck with me most though was when she said she's learning that she can't even trust herself, because surprisingly, she had failed recently to stand up against something she new was wrong.

So all of her hope had to be in God. Not in her family. Not in her relationships. Not in other Christians (because even sheep are known to bite). Not in the world. Not even in herself or her own strength. 

Just in God.

We talked for a few minutes through our tears, without sharing any specific details about what either one of us were going through, hugged a few times, and then said our goodbyes.

As I walked away, I knew that God was trying to comfort me through a woman I barely even know, yet I was trying to sneak away from His comfort.

You know, if I'm being truthful, things were easier before I started following God. (I believed in God since I was a kid, but I didn't fully understand what it meant to obey Him and what it meant to have a relationship with Him until a few years ago.)

I considered myself a moral person, who tried to make every decision with the intention of not hurting others and with the knowledge that I'd have to be able to look at myself and my decisions every day in the mirror.

And therefore, I made lots of good decisions.

Within months of deciding to follow God though, one of my kids was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome (to be more precise, Coprolalia, which includes sudden outbursts of profanity), one biological parent of one of my kids was institutionalized with a serious mental disorder that is worrisomely genetic, the relationship between myself and my best friend of 30 years completely dissolved (I still love her and she still loves me and I feel quite confident that we'd do anything for one another, but we rarely talk anymore), my husband was deployed to Afghanistan, several relationships that I had never had any serious problems with all the sudden became painful and problem-filled, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Sometimes God has to completely break down already broken things in order to help build them back up correctly though.

Once the rebuilding process began, I became acutely aware of how much I sin.

Again, I was 'moral' so there wasn't a whole lot of outward sin by the world's standards, but I became aware of areas where I was holding onto pride, areas in my life where there was unforgiveness, areas in my life where my thoughts were hurtful to myself and my relationships, areas where I had accepted the morals of societty over the truth of God, areas where my motives were to protect myself rather than to help someone else, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. (Ignorance truly is bliss because life was much easier before I became aware of all of these things.)

And I began to understand that you can make 'good' decisions for 'bad' reasons.

And just the same, you can also make 'bad' decisions for 'good' reasons.

I also came to understand that following God is not for wimps.

Its fraught with problems, it's tiresome, it's worrisome, it's painful and it's filled with unanswered questions.

I'm guessing that slogan wouldn't draw too many people to Christ though.

The clincher for me though is in the fact that life itself is tiresome, worrisome, painful and is filled with problems and unanswered questions and I simply can't bear the thought of going through all of that without God.

Because He's a comforter (even when you're trying to ignore and avoid His comfort.)

And though it may have seemed 'easier' before following Him, it also felt lonely.

And besides, He gives you these really cool, God-colored glasses that make life appear less burdensome, more hopeful and more joyful no matter how crappy your morning is.

Comments

[cindy b]

((HUG)) to you Karen. Letting go and letting God is something I struggle with daily... I am trying so hard to open up my heart and soul and letting Him speak to me in the quiet, mysterious ways that only HE does (such as your conversation) with the almost stranger. :) I really believe He doesn't want to see His children suffer and does give us resources (angels in disguise) to help us on our path...it is our responsibility to be quiet and listen. Again, something I struggle with daily. Another (HUG) to you and I"ll be praying for you!!

[Addie]

Good post Karen, hugs to you!:)

[Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita]

I hope everything is soon better! And happy you found comfort when you needed it. xoxo

[Erica D.]

This is so profoundly brave. Thank you for sharing your "stuff" and the true words of your friend.

[Kristi]

I am so worried about something that may or may not happen I am lying in bed because I have made myself physically ill. I am so happy I came upon your post as I sit totally obsessing about something I cannot (in any way) control. THANK YOU for making me stop and think. Now, off to look up that verse..... :)

[amanda june]

beautiful, Karen. love how bold and honest you are in sharing (yet private when the situation calls for it). you are one classy lady and i love the way you are being salt and light in the world :)

[Amy N.]

Prayers, love and hugs to you, my friend! Thank you for a wonderful post. God has this all under control. Trust in Him, always. <3 Miss you!

[Laura]

Karen. My deepest most profound thank you...because as God used your acquaintance as your comforter, so He has used you as mine. I've had a crappy night. God is teaching me to come to Him alone with my complaints and concerns and laying them at His feet Tonight one of my really difficult relationships had my flesh screaming. And because I am trying so hard to follow his lead, I decided not to call someone to fuss and complain but instead I journaled and then I opened my computer to check your blog....God showed up for me in your honest sincere words and I feel understood, encouraged and comforted. Thank you for allowing HIm to speak through you. You are a blessing. I will keep you in my heart and prayers tonight.

[Mona]

I have read every blog you have posted..enjoyed your family...your journey...your photos...but today...WOW your blog just totally blew me away! Thank you for sharing!
And thanks for the reminder......"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

[Nicole Prather :)]

The truth shall set you free.
Th devil wants us to think we are alone in our life but Jesus he will never leave us or betray us even in darkest of times.
Your a brave.
And raw.
The Lord makes us soft hearted.
Xoxo.

[Diane W.]

[[[HUGS]]] to you, Karen!

[HeatherK]

This is a great song that brightens my mood when I'm down. God is GOOD and he has a plan for each of us! We just have to trust.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8SPwT3nQZ8

[Heather T.]

Sending you lots of love, Karen!

[Susan]

Be Strong and Courageous Karen...these types of posts from you always teach me much. Thank you for sharing your heart and humility.

[Kelli Davis]

I need to print this post and read it daily. So much Truth and so much that I can relate to. Thank you for sharing your heart.

[Kelli Davis]

AND I just clicked on a devotional site that I read sometimes and Joshua 1:8-9 are the verses for today.

[Malinda]

Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this today.

[Catriona]

(( hugs )) fron Scotland Karen. Your honesty and faith will keep you strong even when you feel you are failing.

[Beth S]

Thank you.

[Mary Jo Griego]

I have come to learn that no matter how busy, forgetful or stubborn we can get, God doesn't forget His promise that He will never leave or forsake us. He will chase after His child until He finally brings him back.
I love your honesty and how 'real' you are. And I will be taking your class someday for sure!

[Melissa]

Thinking of you and I will pray for you today. Thank you for sharing.

[Kelli]

{{HUGS}}
I'm just going to hug it out!

[Shannon]

I needed this post tonight...thank you for sharing...thank you for blogging...and I caught up on Day 2-Day 3 of your trip and I too have thrown something away of my kids that tore me up inside but still I felt needed to be done. It was a lesson we both won't forget. Glad to see I am not the only one with that response.
Big Hugs to you and I hope your day is fantastic.

[Amber]

Thank you for being so transparent and so raw. God is so good! The devil is so sneaky and just everything God isn't. I'm so very glad you are able to see past that to all the blessings in your life! And I'm so glad that God chose you to be Josh's wife and Ross, Cole, Annie and Courtney Lee's mom. Because nobody else could do for those three guys and those two girls what you do. :)

[jewels]

wow! What a beautiful necklace, photo, and reminder! Thanks Karen for always sharing and being real! Such an amazing treasure of the power of God's word! Love it!

[Kellie]

Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't know what else to say. I love you photography, but I love your sharing heart even more.

[Debs]

Wow! I've read your blog for years and love it. But this post blew.me.away. My favourite blog post ever, although I'm sorry for your crap, I'm thankful for the truth you've spoken.

[kimmie]

you have no idea, how this helped me this morning. words cannot even express. be still and know he used you to speak to me.
Joshua 1;9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
thanks

[Kelly]

Thank you Karen for sharing your life with us. I am sure that we all have something going on in our life that this passage can help us to find peace with. I hope that whatever stress you are dealing with currently clears up quickly.

[Denise Armbruster]

I'm so sorry you're going through some tough times although the things you describe are a life time of tough. Prayers that situations get better and problems get resolved. Hang in there, you're not alone!

[Tracy]

Thanks for sharing Karen...this is why I love you and your blog so much. You are real! Believe me I have been walking a dark valley for the past 7 years...several deaths in our family and decisions adult children make are sometimes very hard to handle but I know we must trust and believe. We must carry our cross. Thanks for sharing Joshua 1:9...it really touched my heart today. ( catching up on emails and blogs ) Take care my friend...we are all in the messed up world together. God Is Good!

[Chris]

Haven't been to your blog in a while, but let me tell you that God put me here today to read this. Thank you.

[Carrie]

Thank you for making me reach for my Bible and read that verse.......I needed to read that today as I have been putting off confronting a situation that I just need to sort out but need that boldness and courage from God to do so.

[Jenn]

ok. I never leave comments, but you hit it home to me every time I read your blog. I like that you state your opinions, but don't "preach" them. Sorry for your "yuk"....sometimes I feel like we have kid stuff yuk and we are still married, with parents that are married and friends that are all married......it's tough raising kids....especially when you want to raise them to know/love God. Thank you again for keeping on.

[Lisa Risser]

Karen: I have been a reader of your blog now for a very long time, but seldom a poster. I needed to read this post today--a day I am struggling with letting go in parenting my 18 year old. You are a beautiful writer (as well as an awesome photographer) and your children are so blessed to have you! Thank you and God Bless!