I only made one New Year's resolution this year:
1. Be Still and know that He is God.
It's a verse I've heard a bazillion times, but it wasn't until I was singing that verse during the New Year's Eve service at church that it really hit me - and like a ton of bricks.
It really doesn't matter what my external circumstances are, my job is just to be still. Not to be physically still necessarily (though there are times when it's better to be still physically than to move into action) but more so, to be still in my mind.
Josh always says "It must be exhausting being you."
And it is.
My mind never quits.
When I should be enjoying time with my family, my mind is usually distracted, thinking about my to-do list. When I'm taking time off from work to relax, my mind is always riddled with guilt because of all that I should be doing. And when everyone else in the house is fast asleep, I'm usually still laying in bed with my mind racing in so many directions that I can hardly keep up with myself.
I can't make it stop (and it's been like this ever since I was little.)
The good news though is that I'm finally at a place in my life where I understand that I can't do it...but He can.
And so, that's what I intend to do this year (with His help of course.)
Be still and know that He is God. (I even ordered a necklace with the words 'Be Still' engraved in it.)
I remember being pregnant with Cole and praying that my ex-husband would come back and that our marriage would be ok. I just couldn't understand how it could be God's plan that I go through yet another pregnancy by myself and that I would raise yet another son on my own.
But God could see the whole playing field (I could only see my immediate surroundings.) and God's plan included Josh Downs. He just needed me to be patient (for five years) and he would bring him to me (on Delta, flight 1237.) He just needed me to settle my mind. To settle my worries. To rest in Him. To know that He is in control (not me) and that He is always at work.
He just needed me to "Be still and know that He is God."
And now I'm off to go jogging (even though I don't want to) because while 'being still' will indeed help my mind, it's not going to do much for these sausage legs.
Oh, and here's a few pictures Josh sent me...
He's on the far left.
That's him reading his Bible with a cup of coffee.
He's second from the right in that one.
And that's him on the far left at a ribbon-cutting ceremony.
And here's his New Year's resolutions (which he gave me permission to share.)
1. Have 'child-like' faith.
2. Love that Woman up one-side and down the other.
3. Wrap those kids in my arms daily and squeeze until they're purple.
4. Learn to play the uke.
5. Run a marathon.
6. Learn to fly an airplane or helicopter.
7. Stop using the F-word.
8. One year from now, don't regret a single day from 2012.
And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I'm so lucky to be 'that woman.'
Another beautiful post. And WOW, I love Josh's resolutions. Simple, to the point, and yet very powerful. You do have a great guy. I pray he stays safe and it reunited with all of you soon! Take care Karen!
Posted by: Marilyn Johnson | January 05, 2012 at 05:48 AM
Love you, Karen! And, "Be" is my word of the year with the resolutions/goal attached to it and really grabbing hold of faith and sticking to it is something I've been working on the past couple of years...very similar to you in that my mind never stops. When I turned 40, 2 years ago, it all clicked and I let Him take control. I can't tell you how much better it works for me. Trust me, I totally understand where and how you are! Hugs & Happy New Year!
Posted by: Julie McD | January 05, 2012 at 06:48 AM
I am reading this post a day too late but today is the day that I needed hear that 'Be Still and know that He is God'... Thank you for sharing your honest self :-)
Posted by: shalini | January 05, 2012 at 07:23 AM
love your posts Karen!! one of my favorite verses too!! prayin for you guys!! many blessings!! happy new year!! smooch!!
Posted by: karlalala | January 05, 2012 at 07:54 AM
Hey Karen! Your post really resonated with me the whole day - I'm just the same when it comes to relaxing or letting go. It's just so very difficult. Even though I don't have the same faith you do, I really hope that we can maybe make adjustments this year and get along more easily. All the best for you and your family!
Posted by: Nina | January 05, 2012 at 09:48 AM
Such a sweet post!! I wish I knew how?? <3
Posted by: teresa b | January 05, 2012 at 11:58 AM
did i ever tell you that j and i met on match.com? not a flight, but i did fly 4500 miles to meet him in person. It's always good to know in your heart, and keep it there, that He has a plan. I'm so glad that your plan is what it is because you believe in what He is!
continue to be blessed!
xoxo
t
Posted by: t emmons | January 05, 2012 at 12:35 PM
Thanks for sharing your resolutions. You guys are like rock stars.
Posted by: Ellen Patton | January 05, 2012 at 01:05 PM
I share the same mind-never-sleeps non-stop-guilt/worry/thinking crap. My sympathies. Running is a good way to interrupt all that thinking with a very loud "Ouch!" and "Oh, for the love--my legs are going to fall off."
I like the decision to not regret one day--a big one from Regret City, over here, but valiant. I'm going to borrow it. Thank you, Mr. Downs.
Posted by: K | January 05, 2012 at 01:12 PM
I don't often leave a comment, but I do come by to read your blog often....cause I love it that you are so damn honest!!! You make me laugh and cry with your honesty. Happy 2012 to you and your family. xx
Posted by: Sarah | January 05, 2012 at 03:22 PM
Last month when I was fraught with worry, my dear friend sent me that exact scripture verse. I've been making a concious effort each day since to "be still" and know that He has a plan.
I love, love, love Josh's resolutions! :-) God Bless...you're so lucky to have each other.
Posted by: Kim S. | January 05, 2012 at 05:41 PM
I thought I was the only one who can't settle down. Even sitting still my brain feels like what it must be like in Rainman's head. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I can be still physically but it's so hard to turn that in-my-head part off. Good luck with your resolution, maybe I'll try it from Va too! Happy New Year!!
Posted by: Gayle | January 05, 2012 at 06:44 PM
You are so wise.
Posted by: cinback | January 05, 2012 at 07:18 PM
You (and Josh) are in my prayers!
Posted by: kimberly | January 05, 2012 at 08:39 PM
Karen, Thank you so much for sharing. I often am inspired by your words and really feel a sense of closeness with you- mostly because you write about things that I usually am feeling too. Your posts always evoke some kind of emotion whether smiles, laughs or tears. I love reading about you and your family and have been for years. I thank God that He has blessed me with you in my life.
Posted by: Kelly | January 06, 2012 at 08:06 AM
I know what it's like to be YOu, mind racing ALL THE TIME.
cannot sleep well, it's so hard to have a brain like this.
the bad thing is my 12 year old is the same way, I passed it ON>
ugh.
love his resolutions!
tara
Posted by: tara pollard pakosta | January 06, 2012 at 09:05 AM
You don't know me...but I feel so connected to you through your blog. I just wanted to say, you humble me! You are such an amazing mom and wife. The way you and Josh Downs love each other and your children....leaves me speechless. Makes me want to do better with my own. Thanks for the way you show that.
By the way....your Be Still resolution. I love the way that passage of scripture reads in the Message translation (my hubby got me a new Bible for Christmas that is NIV and the Message side-by-side). Psalm 46:10 - "Step out of the traffic! Take a long loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything". I am like you - my head never stops! I have so much traffic running through my head....but if I focus on my loving God,the traffic is a little quieter.
Blessings on you and your family while you're apart. And thanks for sharing you with me!
Posted by: Alaina Bennett | January 06, 2012 at 12:11 PM
I love your statement of knowing God can settle your mind....it was the topic of my devotional today in "Jesus Calling" and the verse was Romans 8:6
It is my prayer as well.
Thank you for sharing Karen!
Posted by: amy | January 06, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Amazing. Simply amazing....
Posted by: Kim Hill | January 06, 2012 at 06:16 PM
Isn't it a wonderful relief knowing HE is in charge, not us?? I find that remembering that helps me to breathe a bit easier. :)
Posted by: Lacey | January 06, 2012 at 09:02 PM
I swear, except I don't swear :) , your blog is the only one I comment on. Ever. It just resonates with me. My word for 2012 is "light" from Matthew. "you are the light of the world" I want to focus on shining for God in the daily. But oh, I could use, "be still". "be still and know that I am God" I know it, but sometimes my head doesn't! Would love to know where your engraved jewelry is from...been trying to find a stamped bracelet for my word, so I can see it daily. Lifting your family and Josh in prayer.
Posted by: Amy Emery | January 06, 2012 at 10:20 PM
Another wonderful love story to God and Josh. Love these posts (just like a prevous post you made that so wonderfuly articulated and inter-related your love for both).
The way Josh worded the second one cracked me up. The seventh one on Josh's list - I have that problem - ha. Been purging it pretty good over the last six months - but I do have a major relaps now and again.
Posted by: Penny | January 09, 2012 at 10:04 AM
this is awesome! really love all that is in this post! hugs, cathy
Posted by: Cathy M~ | January 10, 2012 at 07:04 AM