Holy Sh*t, I Think I Finally Get It

Sorry for the inappropriate title of this post - it just felt like the only appropriate title.

I'm not on Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest, so it's quite possible that I was the last person on the planet to hear this quote:

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes selves with everyone else's highlight reel."

One of my students (Thanks Hillary!) was kind enough to share that with me.

 And while my brain has known that for a long time, my heart just simply hasn't been able to grasp it.

In fact, my husband has been saying similar things to me for years.

I forget where we were at the time, but Josh and I were somewhere, doing something  a year or so back when I spotted this mom who looked like she was about my age and though I couldn't hear specifically what she was saying, I could hear the tone in her voice as she talked to her kids and I just remember it being so calm and soothing and she seemed to be enjoying her kids so much that I immediately began chastising myself about the fact that I didn't have the same calm, soothing tone in my voice and because I didn't feel like I was enjoying parenting nearly as much as she was either.

I began to tell Josh what I was thinking and he cut me off mid-sentence with his laughter and then he proceeded to tell me that a few minutes earlier, the same mother had caught his attention as well...

Because she was cussing at her kids.

And then yesterday, I heard about this article which has apparently been shared on Facebook 256K times. (Does that really mean 265,000 times or am I just misunderstanding Facebook abbreviations because I'm not on Facebook?)

It was the same student who shared it with me. (Thanks again Hillary!)

I read it while my kids were fighting over who hated scrambled eggs the most.

And then I read it again.

And then I shared it with my mom and Cole (since he was the only one who had finished getting ready for school.)

And then I read it again.

And then I read it aloud to Josh Downs via Skype.

And every time, I would laugh in the exact same spot (where she talked about how much she liked the kid that was peeing in the corner) and I could feel my voice crack in the exact same spot (where she talks about how most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity) and I could really feel it resonating with me in the exact same spot each time as well (when she talks about Kairos time.)

And I remember reading something else recently about a mom who was standing in the produce section at the grocery store and was having a long debate in her head in regards to broccoli because the organic broccoli was $4 a head and the regular broccoli was $1.50 a head and she felt too guilty to buy the organic broccoli because her family was on a tight budget, but she knew that if she bought the regular broccoli, that with each fork-full of broccoli florets her kids lifted to their mouths, she'd be plagued with pesticide-induced guilt.

In fact, I had that same long debate in my own head yesterday when I stopped by the coffee shop so I could surprise my kids with three hot chocoloates after school; I wanted to do something special for them, but I couldn't stop beating myself up for filling their little bodies with sugar.

And I've never asked him, but I can say with great certainty that my husband has never once had a debate like that play out in his head.

No, I think it's just something that goes on inside the heads of us moms.

But this morning, I guess my heart finally caught up with my head and I was like, "Holy sh*t, I think I finally get it."

All of us moms are fighting the same fight. 

And sure, the fight may look a bit different, depending upon the mom - but that's only because some moms are fighting the fight in cute belts and colorful heals while the rest of us are fighting it out in our pajamas.

But it's the same fight either way.

And sure, it's a fight worth fighting - but fights are fights and fights are hard.

And I'll stop there, because there isn't anything this pajama-wearing mom could say that hasn't already been said more eloquently by that cute-belt-wearing mom who wrote the article I linked earlier. (Seriously, I don't mean to question the God of the universe here, but is it really fair that one person gets to be that cute, that funny and that eloquent? I'm just merely suggesting a little more even distrubtion of genetic blessings.)

And just so you know, these images are nothing more my 'highlight-reel' from last night...

I rented Honey I Shrunk the Kids because it was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid and none of them had ever seen it.

And then we had dinner. (Chili, cornbread and strawberries.)

And then they wrestled. (That shot looks kind of weird because I was shooting from underneath the kitchen table - but I kind of like it anyhow.)

And then the girls worked on a sewing project.

And I just realized that it's January 19th and last night was the first time I've taken my camera out since the New Year.

And I'm totally ok with that.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I love you. Really love you.

Comments

[Nicole Reid]

That is one kick ass highlight reel Karen! I too read that article and have posted it on my refrigerator to remind myself to chill out.

[Lacey]

Maybe I'll finally go read that article now that YOU've recommended it. :) I've tried many times but keep getting pulled away by ... hmmm ... my kids. Anyway, I'm right there with ya, fighting in my pjs.

[sophie]

love this post!! I think I will need more time to really make this quote mine although that is what I really need!!
can I ask how you get your pictures to be so full of light??? could you give me (us?) a tip?? thank you

[Dana]

"(Seriously, I don't mean to question the God of the universe here, but is it really fair that one person gets to be that cute, that funny and that eloquent? I'm just merely suggesting a little more even distrubtion of genetic blessings.)".......................I totally say this about you!!!!!! But you have to add in "and takes such awesome pictures".I love that you keep it real and I love reading your blog. You always put a smile on my face or give me something to think about. Thanks :) I also noticed the facebook thing...if its not you its kinda creepy that someone would steal your pics :/

[Lisa V.]

I wish I could find the article, but I don't know the name of it. But a church leader recently gave talk directed to us Moms. To summarize,he said we are too hard on ourselves, that we compare our weaknesses to other's strengths. That really hit home with me. He encouraged us to look at our strengths, not to compare ourselves to someone else, who has their own weaknesses, we just don't see them.

[Gayle Shrader]

Love it! From another pajama wearing mommy I just want to say thank you!!!! We really all are fighting the same battle and hopefully with God's help we will all get through it! Thanks for being so real and honest always!!!

[Denise~Paper Ponderings]

LOVE your post...and I think I've recently realized the same thing. I came upon a mom yelling at her child in the shopping cart because she didn't know I was there...when she heard my footsteps her tone changed completely and went to a soothing "honey I've told her before" tone. It actually made my day and it actually makes me want to be a better mom when I know nobody is around!

[Colleen Barron]

Isn't it funny Karen? It's all about perspective. I want to be you when I "grow up" and I'm 52!!! You seem to have it together even when you tell us you don't. Love you! Love your family! Love your blog!
Thank you to you and your hubby for his sacrifice for our country!!!

[Catina]

LOVE IT ALL!!! And I am LAUGHING because when you talk about "but is it really fair that one person gets to be that cute, that funny and that eloquent? I'm just merely suggesting a little more even distrubtion of genetic blessings.)" I realize that you have NO idea that you are THAT CUTE, FUNNY, ELOQUENT, CREATIVE, BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED person to so many of us...you are just rocking it in your jammies inspiring us instead of making us feel CRAPPY! :)

[Jules]

Amen, Sista!

[audrey]

Thank you for this post Karen, for keeping it real for all of us moms. That quote is so true. Funny thing, I always think your house looks so beautiful in your photos, and mine never looks that good, so thanks for reminding me to stop comparing. And I totally get the hot cocoa/sugar guilt. Right now I am conflicted because I want to make my son a cake because he won his science fair, but I am feeling guilty about too much sugar. Ack! Why do we do this to ourselves?! I also have barely taken out my camera since the new year, sometimes a tiny break is necessary.

[kate]

oh karen... you just lifted mommas up all over this world... thank you

[Kelli]

Good subject today! Hits home!

[classic car insurance]

Don't blog unless YOU want to either. A million thanks to you for sharing your family and your knowledge. You are a giver of gifts and maybe just maybe... you need to recieve a few to help you see what a gift YOU are to the world.

[MilliD]

I'm so happy for you that you've had that holy sh*t moment!! As someone who struggled with major insecurities for years (created by my own mother, for whom nothing was ever good enough), I can say with confidence that once you quit beating yourself up you will feel like you've been let out of prison. I finally sought professional help and have never looked back. Once I gave myself "permission" to be imperfect, I felt like a bird that had been let out of its cage. That was 20 years ago and I've lived my life comparison-free since then. Don't waste any more time on it. Go and LIVE!

[carole R]

Oh you are so right!! I have a grown up daughter and our relationship is complicated and I dont often see her. When I am at my scrapping crop and everyone shows off their photos of all their mother/daughter/family events my heart aches. And I judge myself, and wonder 'how come'. Of course, I'm hearing the 'show reel' and seeing the glossy photos. So, your post was so spot on. Many thanks - you rock!

[Joni H]

I love that you keep your blog so real. I need to post that quote on my fridge to remind myself daily that I rarely see people's lives behind the scenes. I remember a few years back talking to a friend I hadn't heard from for years and during our conversation she kept telling me all the wonderful things she had been doing. I hung up the phone feeling like a total loser when my husband said to me "she's miserable and wants you to think that her life is great." He was right, a year later she made public that she was getting a divorce and had been hanging in there the past ten years. Thanks for always keeping it so real! Hope it's okay that I borrow this quote and post it on Facebook, it's the first time I've heard it.

[Melinda~]

Ah! Im so glad you GOT it!! Your home is so incredibly gorgeous. And if you didnt mention your life is not perfect one would never know because is sure does look like it! Speaking of Honey we Shrunk the Kids...did they like it? My daughter just cried and cried over the baby ant. And asked Why did you make me watch this SAD movie mommy?! Guess I didnt remember it being so sad!

[Paola Norman]

We sure are "fighting the same fight", Amen :)

[Tracey]

Thanks for sharing this - I am not a facebook person either. I love your blog for all the reasons all ready shared by others - you keep it real and that is so refreshing. I honestly don't know when parenting gets easier, my kids are 20,17 & 12 and most days I feel like its harder now than when they were toddlers! I find myself wishing for the day when they will all move out but then regretting the thought immediately and feeling like a bad Mum for even thinking it. I will now be looking for the Kurios moments each day. I don't know how you find the time but I hope you keep blogging.

[Lynn]

These shots are priceless... the everyday! Love it! I haven't had my camera out in a really long time and this just reminds me to do it.... and by the way you are an inspiration....

[Ashley S.]

I read that article recently and loved it. I laughed about the same parts you did. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Karen. You are amazing. I appreciate how real your blog is.

[diane herman]

same fight going on in this mums head all the way over here in Australia xx :)

[Jen]

I love this post and the link to the Kairos post. This was exactly what I needed to read right now. I love my kids fiercely, but most days I want to throttle them just as fiercely. I try to enjoy each moment, but honestly, how enjoyable is bickering? And the mommy guilt...oh the mommy guilt. Why are we so good at beating ourselves up?? We are doing the toughest job in the world. And most of us are pretty damn good at it, even if we don't believe it ourselves most days.

[Kate]

Karen, to me your blog is an inspiration to get out there and live. nothing has stopped you from showing your family love, life and the world. Thankyou for making me realize that there is nothing stopping me either. Thanks also to your mum and step mum for showing me that you can be friendly to your partners ex.

As long as you keep writing I will keep reading because your highlights are what I need to remind me of how good it can be during my low times.