Holy Sh*t, I Think I Finally Get It

Sorry for the inappropriate title of this post - it just felt like the only appropriate title.

I'm not on Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest, so it's quite possible that I was the last person on the planet to hear this quote:

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes selves with everyone else's highlight reel."

One of my students (Thanks Hillary!) was kind enough to share that with me.

 And while my brain has known that for a long time, my heart just simply hasn't been able to grasp it.

In fact, my husband has been saying similar things to me for years.

I forget where we were at the time, but Josh and I were somewhere, doing something  a year or so back when I spotted this mom who looked like she was about my age and though I couldn't hear specifically what she was saying, I could hear the tone in her voice as she talked to her kids and I just remember it being so calm and soothing and she seemed to be enjoying her kids so much that I immediately began chastising myself about the fact that I didn't have the same calm, soothing tone in my voice and because I didn't feel like I was enjoying parenting nearly as much as she was either.

I began to tell Josh what I was thinking and he cut me off mid-sentence with his laughter and then he proceeded to tell me that a few minutes earlier, the same mother had caught his attention as well...

Because she was cussing at her kids.

And then yesterday, I heard about this article which has apparently been shared on Facebook 256K times. (Does that really mean 265,000 times or am I just misunderstanding Facebook abbreviations because I'm not on Facebook?)

It was the same student who shared it with me. (Thanks again Hillary!)

I read it while my kids were fighting over who hated scrambled eggs the most.

And then I read it again.

And then I shared it with my mom and Cole (since he was the only one who had finished getting ready for school.)

And then I read it again.

And then I read it aloud to Josh Downs via Skype.

And every time, I would laugh in the exact same spot (where she talked about how much she liked the kid that was peeing in the corner) and I could feel my voice crack in the exact same spot (where she talks about how most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity) and I could really feel it resonating with me in the exact same spot each time as well (when she talks about Kairos time.)

And I remember reading something else recently about a mom who was standing in the produce section at the grocery store and was having a long debate in her head in regards to broccoli because the organic broccoli was $4 a head and the regular broccoli was $1.50 a head and she felt too guilty to buy the organic broccoli because her family was on a tight budget, but she knew that if she bought the regular broccoli, that with each fork-full of broccoli florets her kids lifted to their mouths, she'd be plagued with pesticide-induced guilt.

In fact, I had that same long debate in my own head yesterday when I stopped by the coffee shop so I could surprise my kids with three hot chocoloates after school; I wanted to do something special for them, but I couldn't stop beating myself up for filling their little bodies with sugar.

And I've never asked him, but I can say with great certainty that my husband has never once had a debate like that play out in his head.

No, I think it's just something that goes on inside the heads of us moms.

But this morning, I guess my heart finally caught up with my head and I was like, "Holy sh*t, I think I finally get it."

All of us moms are fighting the same fight. 

And sure, the fight may look a bit different, depending upon the mom - but that's only because some moms are fighting the fight in cute belts and colorful heals while the rest of us are fighting it out in our pajamas.

But it's the same fight either way.

And sure, it's a fight worth fighting - but fights are fights and fights are hard.

And I'll stop there, because there isn't anything this pajama-wearing mom could say that hasn't already been said more eloquently by that cute-belt-wearing mom who wrote the article I linked earlier. (Seriously, I don't mean to question the God of the universe here, but is it really fair that one person gets to be that cute, that funny and that eloquent? I'm just merely suggesting a little more even distrubtion of genetic blessings.)

And just so you know, these images are nothing more my 'highlight-reel' from last night...

I rented Honey I Shrunk the Kids because it was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid and none of them had ever seen it.

And then we had dinner. (Chili, cornbread and strawberries.)

And then they wrestled. (That shot looks kind of weird because I was shooting from underneath the kitchen table - but I kind of like it anyhow.)

And then the girls worked on a sewing project.

And I just realized that it's January 19th and last night was the first time I've taken my camera out since the New Year.

And I'm totally ok with that.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I love you. Really love you.

Comments

[Cathy Swandal]

Yes we are fighting the same fight. Feeling the same guilt and raising kids who love us for exactly who we are :) I love that when I go to work I wear something like pajamas (scrubs) and when I get dressed up for a big occasion my kids notice and tell me that I look "even more beautiful". Be proud of the Mom you are because your kids are lucky and they know it!!!

[Robin]

Super glad you are coming to terms... I love your highlight reel...more importantly, I love that you keep sharing. Just remember, Don't stop... unless YOU want to. And I forgot one thing, Don't blog unless YOU want to either. A million thanks to you for sharing your family and your knowledge. You are a giver of gifts and maybe just maybe... you need to recieve a few to help you see what a gift YOU are to the world. Hugs!

[young nanny]

Hi Karen, You are so right with the mum thing - we are all fighting the same fight. Rest assured that your blog speaks to all of us and provides encouragement that we're all in this together. Remember also, that we are all precious in God's eyes no matter who we are, what we wear or where we live. And I love that about Him. God bless xx

[Shaina]

Six years ago, my baby girl was born (my fourth child). A week after that, my friend's baby was born (her 8th child), but he only lived 17 days. Fast forward two years, and I was overly frustrated that my little two year old wouldn't stop getting into the toothpaste, desitin, and handsoap and saturating her hair with it. I made a plee for anyone to take her. Lowest bidder wins. Well, my friend, who's baby had died, offered up her empty arms. "Send her to Aunt Jen; I'll take her" is what she said to me. I immediately felt like the worst person in the world, who didn't appreciate the good thing I had. Fast forward again, three more years, and this same friend came to comfort me when my next child (my fifth) was born with severe heart defects and would require immediate intervention to live after birth, as well as many heart surgeries throughout his life. His life is still rocky, with three open heart surgeries already under his belt, at 2 years old, and more planned for this year. I'm not sure how much time he will have on this earth. But one thing that I hold dear, is the life lesson this friend taught me. Take advantage of what you have, the moment you have it. Don't compare to other people, because you never fully know their circumstances. Love yourself. Love your family. Love your life. God gave it to you for a specific reason. That's all that matters.

[janel]

And even at 60 we fight the same fight...we know the real answers, but it still plays that song....And I keep telling myself..."this too shall pass". Loved your "highlights". Thanks.!

[Angie]

Thank you, Karen. You are so right. We ARE all fighting the same fight. Very eloquently said. I do not have a way with words at all, but when I read something like that, I'm like, "Yes, what she said!" LOL. Thanks for your lovely blog. I love the little insight you give into your life and family. Take care and may your husband come home soon!

[Jennifer Fike]

I'm a stay at home mom of three. Being a mom is the most rewarding job, but in the same breath it's the most guilty one too. Yes we are all fighting the same fight.

[Julia Spencer]

I read that same article and felt the same way. Whew... relief and release. Sigh... Freedom feels pretty d*mn good. ;)

[CarrieG]

this is the first time I've left a comment on your blog. I love reading about you and your family because you are "real". You don't sugar coat things - you don't make your life out to be perfect, etc. I quit reading the blogs that did that..made me feel bad because I couldn't live up to them and I felt like a bad mother...but I knew better. Now a couple of these people who seemed to have it all are struggling with divorce and people are "so shocked"... ummm....that's because all you were seeing was their Highlight real.
Please keep posting...love you and your adorable blended family!

[Lynne Ashcraft]

Wow! Thank you for sharing this! I am a new mom to a 5 week old and feel like such a perpetual failure for all those chronis moments I am experiencing! This really hit home for me!

[Terry D.]

I'm not a mother, but I get what you are saying. Thanks for sharing.

[Laura]

Yes,I feel that way all the time and always try to remind myself that NOTHING is perfect and to just keep trying to do my best with what I have been blessed with!

[kristin]

I hope you read The Momestary post today... it will speak to you even more (especially since you mentioned how cute and talented she is). Go read it!! :)
And don't keep blogging for us (even though we love you) - do it for you.

[Christie]

Thank you, I needed to hear this. I love the highlight reel analogy and hadn't heard it before (and I am on FB, Pinterest and Twitter!!). Definitely a holy sh*t moment here too :)

[Delors]

Karen, I hope u don't mind attaching This blog post to my Facebook account. YOU are as real as it gets. Moms everywhere just had a ah-ha moment reading your post. Thanks for being so honest with life....because thisis really how it goes.

[Juli P]

FYI, there is someone on FB that is using your name and photos....just an FYI. I noticed it and then got rid of it. You may want to have that taken down....
Now, I will go back and read the full post. Thanks.

[kat-in-texas]

I've always thought you were a better mom than me because you serve fruit with every meal....lol.

And get your booty on facebook! All of us "bad" moms are on there and it's fun!!! ;)

[Amy]

Read her blog post from today. http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/19/telling-secrets-2/
We all struggle behind the scenes.

[Manon Keir]

You're so right

and ps. you're pretty cute yourself miss Karen!!

[JuliP]

karen, you're awesome! enough said.

[Nina]

my kids are grown and I still have that same fight all of the time in my head. You're not alone...hope that makes you feel better. I wanted to tell you that I was just waiting to see if ya'll danced in the kitchen during Christmas. I've always loved that at your family gatherings ya'll dance. It made me want to dance! So this past Christmas, my daughter and son-in-law gave me and her mother-in-law a CD with all of the songs from their wedding this past June. And we all danced in the kitchen on Christmas! yay!

[Phyllis]

My kids are almost grown, and yes we are all fighting the same fight. There were a group of the 'bench moms' who sat outside the elementary school waiting for school to get out years ago - we shared the good, bad, and hilarious. It was great and so comforting knowing everyone is going through the same thing. Thanks for being so 'real' on your blog. It's a blessing to so many.

[Kim P]

Your blog is my favorite because you have the highlights and midlights and the lowlights - real life. I try reminding myself about those cute, fun loving blogs that are oozing happiness ALL.THE.TIME. that they too have moments - they just choose not to share. I'm glad you share yours because we all can relate and that is what helps us all feel better - that we are fighting the same fight even though it's not always the same life lessons. No matter what, you are an inspiration to a lot of us out here in blogland with your stories and pictures. I hope you keep blogging. I'd miss you and your family so much!

[Jen CT]

You are the best, thank you for sharing this. I laughed, I cried - and yes, you are BEAUTIFUL too my dear!! Thank you for introducing me to Momastery -great inspiration. And, being a working mother of three under 4yrs, the levels of craziness just can't be put into words, but when my Audrey asked for my socks to put on her hands (so she can have sock hands) as she went to sleep - I knew that was a moment that made all the craziness worth it. (what are sock hands anyway?!)

[Kirsten J]

Well said, m'dear. I have that same kind of organic/sugar debate in my head all the time. And this isn't quite the same train of thought, but you made me think of this thing my brother-in-law says to my sister. She's in a constant battle with her weight (and really, she looks fine, but is maybe a size 8, surrounded by size 0 or size 2 friends) and she is constantly worrying about what to wear, and what will camouflage her arms or tummy, or whatever. And then worries about what is the first thing people will notice when they see her, and she has anxiety about being late to the party or gathering, and heads turning and seeing her look like a "whale" - real insecurity issues. Her husband says to her, "hey! got news for ya - you're not all that." Not everybody is looking/analyzing/comparing. I have to remind myself of the same thing.