And if You're With Me Put Your Hands Hiiiiiiigh

I stayed the night in Portland on Thursday. (That's the same city where I did the triathlon back in August.)

I got into town around 3:00 p.m., took my stuff up to my room, changed into my running clothes, went to the gift shop to see if I could buy some socks (I forgot to pack socks) and then I untangled the cord to my earphones as I walked down to the waterfront to go running.

I had planned to run four miles and decided to take the same route I ran during the Portland Triathlon.

About a mile into it though, my legs were feeling heavy and my ankles were killing me so I decided on a three mile run instead.

And that's about the time when Sean Combs (aka Puff Daddy, Puffy, Puff, P.Diddy, Diddy, King Combs, Swag, etc.) shuffled in to encourage me with these lyrics...

I'm back to feeling like there's nothing that I can't try and if you're with me put your hands hiiiiiigh.

And is it just me or did Puff find Jesus?

In the months leading up to the triathlon, I felt like maybe I had finally gotten to the place where I was no longer going to have to fight the mental battle of lacing up my shoes to go running on a daily basis. You know, that conversation in your head that goes something like this; "You should exercise. Yeah, I should but I've got so much work to do today. But it will make you more productive at work. Yeah, but it's raining. Sometimes running in the rain feels kind of good. Yeah, but I don't have any clean socks. That's ok, you can dig some dirty ones out of the hamper. Yeah, but I stubbed my toe this morning and it probably isn't going to feel good if I try to run on it. Running always makes you feel good. Yeah, but look at all the emails I need to get to. A run will clear your mind. I think I'll run tomorrow instead. Yeah, tomorrow."

Turns out that my mind will only give me a reprieve from those internal conversations when I'm exercising on a regular basis. Give me a week with no exercise though and that internal dialogue is back with a vengeance.

I was listening to something the other day that talked about how our brains create a physical pathway between an event and our response to that event. For example, if you eat a maple bar for the first time and you really like it, your body will release dopamine and will create a physical pathway that starts with you eating a maple bar and ends with your feeling good (temporarily) and the more often you eat maple bars, the stronger that pathway will become due to the frequency with which you use it.

So it's not just an emotional love of maple bars, it's a physical response created by eating maple bars.

And once you've developed a pathway, it never goes away. (Yikes.)

The only thing you can do then to overcome a bad pathway is to 'starve it' because the less frequently you use it, the weaker it becomes and then you have to start creating new, healthier pathways (like exercising) knowing that the more frequently you use them, the stronger they will become.

Just ask Josh Downs (who is a runner) if he ever thought I'd become the kind of person who enjoyed running and he'll tell you about the first time we ever went running together because he thought it was both the first and the last time he'd ever see me run.

I hated running more than anyone could possibly hate running.

And when I first started training for the Portland Triathlon, my hatred of running only intensified. I actually kind of liked the biking and could tolerate the swimming, but I hated the running with ever muscle-fiber of my being. About five months into training though, it all flipped; I started to love the running, like the biking and tolerate the swimming.

Me...I loved running.

And in the last four months since the triathlon - those four months when I have barely exercised - I have missed running.

In fact, just about every time I've seen someone running in the last four months, I've wished that I were doing the same; like a physical longing to breathe in all that fresh air and to feel my feet hitting the ground (even when it doesn't feel good - because it doesn't always feel good) and to feel that kind of empowerment.

Me...Missing running (because I developed a physical pathway in my brain between the action of running and how good I feel afterwards.)

I heard something else the other day that said, "You know you need to exercise, so quit exhausting yourself by thinking about it and go DO IT instead - and then get on with living!"

Seriously, if thinking about exercising could make you skinny...I'd be anorexic.

But really, thinking about exercise does nothing but taking up valuable space in my mind - space that could be occupied with something more productive. Thinking about exercise just makes me feel guilty and agitated. Thinking about exercise just gives me time to come up with excuses as to why I can't exercise.

So I made a pact with myself last week to quit thinking about exercising (to just excuse the thought from my brain every time it comes up) and to start doing it instead. Daily. Even if it's just a long walk. I even signed up for my next triathlon and am planning on signing up for a few more things too.

And I feel good.

So when King Combs started singing those words of inspiration in my ear, I got a smile on my face and decided to run six miles instead - the whole running route of the Portland Triathlon - just to prove to myself that I could.

And during the last mile when it started to hurt again, Christina Aguilera (I'm no fan.) came in with these words that I'd like to dedicate to the Portland Triathlon...

"Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture, I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down so I want to say thank you 'cause it makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser so thanks for making me a fighter."

And is it just me or is that video creepy?

And when I left Portland the next morning, I even had the willpower to 'starve the pathway' that would normally lead me to Voodoo Donuts for a maple bar.

And I had this thought...What if a bunch of us made a pact right here, right now on this blog to run a 5k or to do a triathlon or to complete some other sort of exercise related goal and then on January 1st, 2013, you all sent me a photo related to that goal so I could post them - just to show that we did it.

If you're in, leave your name and your goal and any other info. you want to share in the comments section.

If you're with me, put your hands hiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...It's so hard feeling like we're leading these completely separate lives. I just want to be with you to share all this good stuff and to be there for each other for all of this hard stuff too. I miss you so bad.

Comments

[Katie Johnson]

Can I just say, Karen Russell, that you are a pretty darn amazing. I don't even know you, but I swear you come along with these profound messages EVERY time I really need them.

Today, your post has me in tears. I just can't even put into words how much I needed to hear what you wrote. And YES I am in on that pact. I am just starting to get back into exercising after a 2 year absence. I've never ever been a runner, but between your triathalon post and today's post, I am bound and determined to get off my butt and MOVE. And by golly, I WILL run a 5k this year. I can't wait to see my picture next January!

Thank you Karen!

[Juie]

Loved your post! I blogged about my own goals this year with health and fitness which include running a 5k, 10k, & a 1/2 marathon next December w/my hubby for our 15th wedding anniversary. So, I am in!!

Thanks for the continued inspiration!

[Holly]

I've wanted to complete the couch to 5K program fo a while now. This is gonna be the year. Of course, today all of my kids were supposed to be back at school and the littlest one turned up puny, so I'm at home. But there's always tomorrow!

[Farrah]

I'm in! I want to train for a 1/2 marathon this year.

[Kelly]

You described me to a 'T' with my hatred for running. Which is why I will sign up and run my first 5k this year.

[Marilyn Johnson]

Karen, I really miss being the athlete I once was when I was younger. I was a runner, track though, not long distance. I so badly want to run again but have multiple excuses why I don't. I will make a pack, not necessarily that I will be able to do a 5K but that I will take up running again. Thanks for the inspiration!

[borcherding]

*gulp*....I'm in. I'm gonna raise my hand REALLY high and aim for a 10K. What the h*** am I thinking??!!

[Theresa S.]

I'm in for a 5k--Going to participate in the "Women Running Wild" 5k at the end of March--training now and I am NOT a runner at all. I'm in the "I hate it/I tolerate it" category right now. Hoping to learn to love it. So I'm with you and I'm putting my hands up high . . . Theresa Colby Smith is going to run a 5k in 2012.

[Brandi Talmadge]

Your posts are consistently inspiring and I thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts, emotions and daily living with all of us in the outside world where it can sometimes be raw and uninviting. You're a breath of fresh air girl!

I too hate running, have tried it several times and have zero interest and did I say that I hate it? I do however love to exercise and am normally consistent however the last year and half of my life it's been thrown to the back seat for many different reasons. As a result it has affected my my health, my self confidence, and my relationships. I know one thing and that is at the end of the day I have complete control over this matter and must make exercise my priority again. My goal for 2012 is to go back to my regular work-out schedule which entails being able to complete a 1-hour spin class (without being unable to walk for 3 days - I haven't done this part of my routine in 5+ years) and getting my body back to a point where I personally feel & look healthy.

Thank you for inviting us all to join the 2012 Exercise Journey. I'm so excited to be a part of this and for us all to reap the benefits of hard committed exercise.

[Julie Pilch]

I'm with you! I did my first run of the year yesterday with a friend and it hurt but we are determined to egg each other on and do it. I'm going to do The Race for Life (a 5k run in aid of womens cancer) in the summer. Hands up Hiiiiggghhh.

[Liz Butler]

I'm doing a project 52 this year, with my health being a top priority. I want to lose 40lbs by the time my 40th birthday rolls around (June) and I want to sign up for a 5K. I know a 5K doesn't sound like much, but I am NOT active today, so that seems like a realistic goal.

BTW, one of my other priorities is improving my photography skills, which is why I'm enrolled in your current session of Photographer's Workshop... YIPEE!!!

So, thank you for inspiring me with two of my big priorities this year! :-)

[Ann Poole]

To be honest, I HATE the idea of running... I don't even like going for walks. I am for sure the most inactive person to read this BLOG. But I do want to get active... I know I could enjoy it if I just get started. Thanks for the inviting each of us to join in doing a 5K. Yes, count me in... changing my comfort zone from computer chair sitter to runner! I think I am going to be doing a lot of walking before I ever get to any running!

[Tara]

I'm putting my hands up hiiiiiiiigh! I will run a 5K this year. No excuses! In 2011 I actually learned to love running, too, and I am NOT a runner. But then we moved across the country and that took over my life for several months, and once I fall out of the habit it's all over. Just like you said. Best of luck to you in your 2nd triathlon.

[Kim]

count.me.in!

I did a 9 mile walk/run alternating trail Saturday & that was the first time I have been active since August & I LOVED IT!!!!!! so my goal is a half marathon in October.

Thanks for being so REAL!!

[Stephanie @ La Dolce Vita]

I used to be a runner, then a messed up knee ended that - but I will commit to a lot more walking - does that count? I do miss the times when no matter how wrecked your body felt from it, my mind felt freer and clearer. And now I am off to starve some pathways, and feed some others. a good message Karen - just when I needed it too!

[Kate]

I've got bad knees so I'm not running much these days.
But I swim and there's a new contest with prizes at my pool for every 25 miles you swim.
So I'm going for 25 miles/month.
Six down, 19 more to go for January:)

[Janna]

FYI Ann Poole - you might have some competition in the dept of most inactive person to read this blog!! I'm thinkin that would be me. And as much as I don't even like to go for walks, I have wanted to be a runner for a long time. I'm putting my hands up hiiiiiiiiiggghhhh for the couch to 5k. I started it about a year ago, then got really sick about a week or two into it and never picked it back up. I have very loud, strong voices like yours in my head. But no more, I'll take a b4 pic and then another one next yr for you to post! YAAAY! I can't wait! You are the best Karen. I thought of you when I read about some National Guardsmen coming home in the paper. Thought I can't wait til Karen and the kids get to be there when Josh Downs comes home;) Wish I could make it to one of those ceremonies - sound so wonderfully patriotic!

[kristen ohran]

Love this post, Karen. You are an inspiration. I am one of those that loves to run (always have), but I haven't always been as dedicated to stick with it faithfully over the years. So .. Yes! I'm "in" too! I am training for my first 10k race (in May) and then my goal for the year is a 1/2 marathon in September.

[n.prather]

:) Right after you blogged about your Triathlon, I had sent my sister an email about doing this triathlon

http://www.tricalifornia.com/index.cfm/WildFlower2012-main.htm

I had did a half in Oct 2010...33 years old..and feeling old but I did it.. !! It ispired me in so many ways in life just not running ....I will do this...

You inspire me and thank you for sharing your life on this crazy computer !! Enjoy life always...It passes way to fast !!

[Mina]

My hands are hiiiiiiigh! I've been trying to lose weight and establish a consistent workout routine for years. 2012 will be the year. My goals for the year are to reach my goal weight (which I've been pursuing for over 3 years now), to workout 5 times per week consistently, and to finally kick smoking for good (I'm 8 days strong now.) Thanks so much for the motivation! You are an inspiration.

[Michelle]

Love this idea! Ironically, I just signed up for a 5k yesterday afternoon!! I am not a runner, but I've always been envious of those who do enjoy running. To be honest it is a 5k run/walk and I am doing with with a group of friends and some are runners and others are not, so we plan to alternate between running & walking. But I do want to work towards running a full 5k or more?! Thanks for the inspiration and motivation I'm in too :)

[Alicia]

I was just checking blogs to avoid running in the rain. Guess I will go put on my shoes after this comment. Thanks!

[Heather S. in VT]

Both my hands up hiiiigh! I'm in for a 5k and maybe two in 2012. I had already decided to do the Shoreham Apple Blossom run in May and I'd like to plan on the Turkey Trot in Nov and then I saw your post today and I thought YES!! I'm gonna put my hands up high and commit to training and achieving my goal! Thanks so much Karen! I really appreciate the inspiration I find on your blog!

[mandy friend]

crap karen. i'm not sure i like you anymore. i'm pretty sure i hate running more than you ever did. okay, fine. i'll commit to walking a1/2 hour 5 days a week. that's all your getting out of me girly.;)

[tara pollard pakosta]

I'm IN! My goal by December 31st is to have run/walked/elliptical 1,000 miles (in the year) and to have completed a 10k.
tara