My life...just not on the road I expected (but it's still dang good).

The Best Part of My Day

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and by 1:46 p.m., I hadn't slowed down once.

I'm feeling overwhelmed with the work load on my plate right now.

Haven't bathed.

Haven't brushed my hair.

Haven't brushed my teeth (and I was a dental hygienist for 12 years so that's something I highly frown upon.)

I even found myself dancing around like a little kid while I was working this afternoon because I had to go pee so bad, but didn't have the time for it.

In fact, I've been doing this for weeks now and am probably going to be doing it for awhile longer.

Normally Josh is here to slow me down.

To pull me away from the computer long enough to catch my breath.

To make me laugh. (I wonder how many days it has been since I laughed?)

But at 1:47, while frantically searching my hard-drive for a photo I needed for class, I stumbled across this...

I don't even remember taking it but my shooting information said that I took it back in April of 2009.

Must have been one of those weekends that we spend at the new, old house, trying to fix it up before we moved in.

It was about 25 miles from where we were living at the time, but we spent every single weekend there working on it for months.

I used to be so excited when we pulled in the drive-way every Friday night and so sad when we locked the door behind us every Sunday evening before heading back home because the old, new house didn't feel like home anymore and the new, old house did so I didn't want to leave it.

We slept on the floor in sleeping bags, ate take-out almost every night and made at least 40 trips to Lowe's every weekend.

And Josh always sat out on the front porch at the end of the day with a beer, waiting for me to join him. It was the best part of the day.

Have been staring at this shot for probably 15 minutes now. 

It's the first time I've stopped to really breathe all day.

And it's the first time I've smiled.

I might even run downstairs to go pee now.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...You're the best part of my day, every day - even when you're not here.

More Than Lucky

Sometimes when I'm picking Annie up from school, my little nieces plead to come home with me too. (And their pleading usually works.)

Every time the girls are together, they have a contest over who misses Josh Downs more.

Tate usually wins though when she says in her squeaky little voice, "Aunt Kawen, I miss Uncle Jowsh, I even miss him more than da neighbors dog Lucky dat died."

So on this particular day, the girls decided to draw pictures for Josh to let him know how much they miss him.

They quickly tired of that though and decided it would be more fun to be cheerleaders instead.

But their cheerleading quickly turned into rough-housing.

And playing on the phone.

And a few funny faces.

Coley even got in on the action for awhile.

And I just sat there with my camera perched up over my eye, watching life unfold through my lens, laughing and smiling the whole time.

 

Sometimes I just need little reminders of how lovely life really is.

Thanks all of you who helped me remember that last week.

And if you're reading this Jowsh Downs...I miss you more than Tate's neighbor's dog Lucky that died too.

An Email

Got this email from a past student just a few minutes ago and she agreed that I could share it...

I watched Erin's tutorial in bits from last night through today, and I took my first crack at it. Combining the knowledge I gained from your class with Clean Color...this is some bad-ass stuff. I've attached my first try. Perhaps I should have edited out the tattoo on my son's arm, but it's cute to me.

Thanks again for teaming up with Erin,

Tammie Olson

Thanks for making my day Tammie and I can't believe that was your very first crack at Clean Color.

And for those of you who are wondering what in the world I'm talking about, just scroll down to the post below this one.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I am so crazy-in-love with you.

Me & Erin

Guess what?!?...

Me and Erin Cobb are pairing up.

We're not getting married or anything, but we are going to start teaching together in my online photography workshops.

I'm going to spend the first nine weeks of my online workshop teaching my students how to create the best images possible, straight out of the camera (which is what I already do) and then Erin is going to wrap up the class with a week-long Q&A right there in the class forum so my students can learn to streamline and perfect Erin's Clean Color editing process (which just so happens to be the very editing process that Erin taught me a few years back.)

And what's so cool about that? 

Well, Erin's Clean Color video tutorial is amazing. In fact, lots of my students already own it, use it and love it. And Erin was even smart enough to add a FAQ section to her tutorial to address commonly asked questions. That said, I know some of my students have even more questions and are desperately wanting feedback on their edited images from someone who has an eye for editing like Erin.

So Erin is going to do just that for my students and the price of my workshop isn't even going to change.

So what does that mean to you?

- If you've never taken one of my online workshops and have no interest in ever taking one, then this means nothing to you and I've just wasted the last 60 seconds of your life. (Sorry.)

- If you are wanting to take one of my online workshops, you just have to sign up for one on registration day. (The next registration starts at 6:00 p.m. Pacific time on Oct. 3rd, 2011 on my website.) Once you sign up for one of my classes, you'll have access to a link where you can purchase Erin's Clean Color editing video at a discounted price so you can start learning her editing process prior to the week-long Q&A you'll be able to participate in during class.

- If you're in my current online class, all you need to do is purchase Erin's Clean Color tutorial if you'd like to participate in the week-long Q&A (if you don't already own it.) To purchase the tutorial at a discounted price, just log in on my site using your email address and password, select 'resources' and then 'misc.' and then scroll down to get the link and discount code for the tutorial and I'll keep you posted with the exact dates that Erin will be available.

- If you're a past student of mine and want to participate in the week long Q&A with Erin, you'll need to log in to my site using your email address and password, select 'go shopping' and then register to take my online workshop again as a regular student or at the discounted price for returning auditors ($95.) Remember, that if you're a past student, you do not have to wait until registration day to sign up - you can sign up now. Then you'll want to purchase Erin's Clean Color tutorial (if you don't already own it) which you can get at a discounted price by logging in to my site, selecting 'resources' and then 'misc.' and then scrolling down until you see the link and the discount code for Erin's tutorial.

Hope I covered everything but if you have any questions, feel free to post them here in the comments section (and then check back because I'll add the answer to your question in red, directly to this post.)

ETA: Just wanted to answer a few questions that were left in the comment section:

1. Erin and I have decided to test this out for one year; for my current class, my January 2012 class and my June 2012 class. (Though I hope to still be working with her  when we're old and gray because she's pretty fabulous.)

2. Yes, Erin WILL critique edited images for my students to help them along in their editing process along with answering all of their editing questions.

3. You can take my online class regardless of where you live. (I think I've had students from every continent now.)

4. If you audit the workshop, you can still participate in the forum, you can still ask unlimited questions and you can still upload images. (The ONLY difference between regular students and auditing students is that I don't evaluate assignments or photo critiques for auditing students.)

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I hope you did amazing today in your new job.

The Girls

The girls spent most of Saturday playing school and scrapbooking...

That last one reads: "Love is Karen, sharing is me courtney downs. cuddeling is the hot dad. cute is annie and cool awsme guy is Ross. and nice guy is cole. love you all bye bye."

The scrapbooking pictures were all taken in my office/scrapbooking room. (I posted pictures of it awhile back.)

And I'm still planning to post pictures of Annie's room once it's all done - just need to finish up a few details. (Oh, and I'll share the details about the hanging hearts above her bed then too.)

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...You are totally the "hot dad."

Lest you ever think I have it all together...

Sometimes I look at old photos of me and wish I could go back and tell that little girl something that would make her think differently of herself.

Sometimes I feel anxious when I look at blogs and realize how much cooler other people are than me.

Sometimes I worry that I'll never take a good picture again.

Sometimes I worry that my career is going to fade into oblivion because I'm like the old dog that doesn't want to learn new tricks when it comes to social media and marketing.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud.

Sometimes I could care less about being cool and just want to be me.

Sometimes I like me.

Sometimes I don't like me.

Sometimes I can't decide if I like me or not.

Sometimes I get really tired of thinking about me and want to figure how to quit thinking about me.

Sometimes I wish Annie could stay this age forever.

Sometimes I wish Annie were 18.

Sometimes I think it would be ok if my career faded into oblivion.

Sometimes I think I make life harder than it has to be and I feel embarrassed by how messy and complicated I am.

Sometimes I dream that I'm looking at one of my favorite photos and it starts playing like an old, melancholy, 8mm home video.

Sometimes I worry that I'm missing the best years of their lives because I make life harder than it has to be.

Sometimes I feel like I'm really present.

Sometimes I feel like I'm really absent.

Sometimes I wish Coley were still small enough to take baths with.

Sometimes I get distracted when I'm writing a post like this and start thinking about wether or not I have any clean socks.

Sometimes I feel so close to God that I wonder how I ever lived my life with plenty of religion but no real relationship with Him.

Sometimes I forget how good it feels to be in relationship with God.

Sometimes I worry that if I say stuff like this you won't like me anymore.

Sometimes I realize that my life won't end if a few less people like me.

Sometimes I wonder why I was cursed with sausage legs and long to know what it would feel like to wear skirts that blow in the breeze all summer long.

Sometimes I realize that life is about more than just me and my sausage legs.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and right a few wrongs.

Sometimes I hide behind my camera.

Sometimes when I meet seven of the nicest, most well-manered kids I've ever met in my life and find out that their mom home-schools all of them, I spend the rest of the day crying.

Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom because my kids are driving me nuts.

Sometimes I like to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians and then I like to chastise myself for watching such brain-numbing rubbish.

Sometimes I get butterflies in my stomach when Josh takes the kids somewhere for the night because I get the house all to myself and then I like to chastise myself for wishing my family would leave.

Sometimes I wonder why I like to chastise myself so much.

Sometimes I just like to use the word chastise.

Sometimes I feel like I love them so much it hurts.

Sometimes I feel like I want to run away with the circus.

Sometimes I wish I had known Courtney Lee when she was an infant instead of meeting her on her third birthday.

Sometimes my social awkwardness even carries over to people I know and love.

Sometimes my social awkwardness feels shameful.

Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if I went back to scraping plaque and tartar off of people's teeth from 9-5.

Sometimes I wish that I could say sorry to that one girl back in high school.

Sometimes I start crying just because a flower is blowing in the breeze a certain way and it makes me think about how good God is.

Sometimes I wish that I had done more to fight for that friendship because I miss it.

Sometimes I wish that we lived in an apartment instead of a house built in 1905.

Sometimes I feel like God made me messy and complicated for a reason.

Sometimes I feel like a really crappy photographer.

Sometimes I feel like a really good mom.

Sometimes I feel like a failure as a mom.

Sometimes I wish I were driving in the car with Ross singing Total Eclipse of the Heart together at the top of our lungs again.

Sometimes I think this blog may have already jumped the shark.

Sometimes I just want a can of Pringles and a 24 oz. Coke for lunch even though its bad for me.

Sometimes I wonder if making a list like this is bad for me.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like had I respected myself more.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the right track.

Sometimes I feel like I'm so far off track that I'll never find my way back to the track at all.

Sometimes I think God has me right where he wants me.

 

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...Thanks for making me feel like this messy, complicated girl is all you ever wanted out of life.

Kitties-n-Bibs

Please know that I did rescue my mom's cat from Annie's clutches.

Right after I took this shot.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...Your email from today is going to stick with me for awhile.

Do Gooder

We try really hard to instill in our kids to do the right thing, even when the right thing is hard. To do the right thing even when no one is watching. To do the right thing even when the rest of the world is telling them to do differently.

To be a Do Gooder. (Because the world would be a nicer place if we were all Do Gooders.)

But today, Coley put me to the test on it...

 

He found a stray dog after school.

I told him to go check his collar for tags.

No tags.

So I came outside to check for myself, but had to chase the dog down the street because his nose was on a hunt.

Still no tags. (He was wearing a really cute Snoopy collar though, so I figured he must belong to someone who loves him.)

Then Coley asked me what we were going to do.

My mind quickly started ping-ponging between the fact that I had a lot of work to do and the thought of the pup getting hit by a car while roaming the neighborhood, looking for things to lift his leg on.

So I started rationalizing to Cole that the dog looked like some sort of Beagle so he probably had a really good sniffer and therefore, could easily find his way back home if we just let him go.

Coley's expression immediately let me know that he didn't think that was the right thing to do.

Frustrated, I knelt down so the pup could sniff me for a minute and then I picked him up and started walking towards home, still not quite sure what I was going to do.

Then the pup growled at me so I quickly put him down and attempted to rationalize yet again to Coley that we should just let him sniff his way back home.

That's when Coley said, "But mom, we have to do something...we have to do the right thing." (He chose those words because he knows they're my kryptonite.) 

So I told him to go grab a leash while I grabbed my phone.

And then Cole and the pup waited on the front porch while I called the Humane Society who kept me on hold for 10 minutes before referring me to the local Animal Control Center who kept me on hold for an additional 10 minutes (I made good use of my time on hold though by taking pictures of Cole and the pup.) before gifting me with the following advice...

"We close in 10 minutes so you're not going to be able to get here in time and we don't have anyone on duty to come get him so I don't know what to tell you - I'd just let him go."

Frustrated again, I hung up and briefly thought about keeping him overnight until I could come up with a good solution. Maybe we could hang up signs around the neighborhood like they do in the movies? Maybe we could take him to the Animal Control Center in the morning so they could scan him for one of those microchip thingiess? Maybe we could take him for a walk to see if he really could indeed, sniff his way back home like all good hunting dogs?

Then, I decided I had already spent more time than I could afford and told Coley to let him go so he could find his way back home.

Did I just hear you boo-ing at me?

I could tell immediately that Coley wasn't going to let him go though.

So I hollered as I was walking into the house, "I don't know Cole, take him down to the police station and ask them what to do."

Before you boo any further...Cole's going to be 11 next month and the police station is just a couple of blocks from our house.

So he did just that.

About 10 minutes later, I got a call from Coley who was down at the police station, letting me know that the police don't actually deal with animals, they only deal with people (Duly noted.) but that they had contacted Animal Control and Animal Control was sending someone to come get the pup (Apparently, the police have more clout with Animal Control than I do.) and that they'd keep the pup for a certain amount of time to see if his owner would come looking for him and if his owner didn't claim him that he would be put up for adoption.

Then he asked if he could wait with the pup until Animal Control showed up even though he had homework to do.

And that's when I had my moment of clarity (I always have a moment of clarity...it's just usually a little tardy.) and told him that I was proud of him for doing the right thing and for being a Do Gooder, even when his own mother wasn't acting like one.

Good on you, you little Do Gooder.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...thanks for raising a bunch of Do Gooders with me.

Sewing

I was sewing the curtains in Annie's room the other day and next thing you know, I found myself teaching her how to sew.

I had to set the foot pedal on a stool for her.

Coley decided to get in on the action too even though I didn't have much in the way of masculine fabric. (He refused to let me take any pictures of him sewing though.)

He did allow me to take one photo of his finished product though - just so long as his face wasn't showing. (It's made to hold Lego guys and attaches to his belt loop.)

I accidentally told her to sew the straps on the wrong way. (I didn't say I was good at sewing.)

She's going to use it as a book bag.

Though it also makes a good hat.

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...Maybe I'll save us some money by sewing all the kid's clothes. (Then again, maybe not.)

Happy Birthday Josh Downs

Josh turns 31 today.

And now, for the next 3 1/2 months, I'll only be seven years older than him (Although when I turn 39 in January, I'll be eight years older than him again.) which makes me feel slightly less cougar-ish.

Picked all the kiddos up from school on their lunch-breaks and we celebrated with German chocolate cake. (Josh's favorite.)

And thankfully, "Happy Birthday" upside-down, still means "Happy Birthday."

And if you're reading this Josh Downs...I hope we never spend another birthday apart.