The Struggle

I ran the Pear Blossom last weekend. (That shot was taken about 50 feet from the finish line.)

I'd actually never run a race before. In fact, prior to last Saturday, I'd never even ran 10 miles before. (The furthest I'd run while training for the race was eight miles.)

I only had two goals for the race though:

1. To finish in under two hours.

2. To finish without stopping/walking.

I got off to a rocky start and was actually the very last person to get out of the starting gate (because there was a really long line at the Port-a-Potties and because I couldn't get my earphone cords untangled), but once I got going, I settled into a really good pace.

1 hour and 37 minutes later (23 minutes faster than my goal), I crossed the finish line without stopping/walking. (That put me at 914th out of 1,580 people and 69th amongst 137 women ages 35-39.)

And though that might make me a 'C' average runner...it never felt so good to be so average.

As silly as it sounds, this whole thing was kind of emotional for me.

The last 10 months have been hard. And though I see the value in the struggle, it's still been hard. And because of that, each one of those ten miles felt symbolic.

I remember back in July, listening to an acquaintance from Bible study talk about a triathlon she was training for. (Note the other big obstacle I purposely chose to put in my path; joining a women's Bible study which forced me to hold conversations in which I couldn't use my knowledge of photography or dental hygiene to disguise my social awkwardness.) My pulse immediately quickened listening to her talk about it, wishing that I were the kind of person that could do a triathlon. A couple weeks later, that thought was still in my mind.

And then it occurred to me that I could do a triathlon. (Mind you that while I eat pretty healthy, I've never been able to stick with an exercise program.)

The first day I started training, I went down to run the track at an elementary school by our house with the goal of running one mile without stopping. After running four laps, I stopped. My lungs were on fire, my legs felt wobbly and I could feel tears coming on because it all felt so unobtainable.

For some reason though, I decided to stick with it (even after the discouraging realization that a mile was actually five laps around the track by our house.)

The first time I ran three miles around that same track, I called Josh Downs while still trying to catch my breath and made him guess how many miles I had run. He unfortunately guessed four and I unfortunately got mad because he should have known to err on the low side, but when I hung up the phone, I could feel tears coming on because for the first time, it felt obtainable. (Yes, I cry easily.)

Then I got a bike. Nothing fancy enough to make a true street-biker jealous. Just something that was lighter than my 12 year old mountain bike but still practical enough for riding on trails with kids.

And then I joined the YMCA where a sweet but strict old women tried to teach me to how to freestyle swim.

I started off loving the biking, tolerating the running and hating the swimming.

Now, I love the running, like the biking and choke/gasp like someone on the verge of drowning during the swimming.

Thankfully, I've still got four months before the triathlon though.

And though I'm feeling a little let down by the laws of the universe that would allow someone who can run ten miles to still have a muffin-top and sausage-legs (albeit, slightly reduced-fat sausage-legs), I feel good.

And while the struggle has been (and still is) painful, I feel like I'm beginning to develop an understanding and a deep admiration for it in every detail of my life.

And at the risk of sounding annoyingly and unsuccessfully philosophical...I'm beginning to realize that there's a beauty that comes out of the struggle that could never be had otherwise.

Comments

[paige]

yay you!!!!
that is awesome & i know you feel fantastic!
i just trained and finished my first half-marathon in 20 years. bummer, i think i gained a few vs loosing a few while training. ugh.
but great shot!

[paige]

ps- do you have advice on lens choices anywhere on your site? i looked but couldn't find anything. i have a 50 1.4 & love it, just trying to decide what next.
big question, i know!

[misty selak]

great job, karen. you are an inspiration for sure. keep up the great work!!

[Jennifer M.]

Good for you! You should be very proud of yourself!

[Ellen Patton]

Way go go! You inspire me.

[Brandi Talmadge]

Awesome accomplishment Karen!!! I'm glad you stuck with it and are feeling really good about it! I just rejoined the gym - ultimately for continued good health but to also drop a few pounds (that's one of the rewards for all the working out right? LOL). I'm thinking I'd also like to work toward a 10 mile run and maybe contemplate the triathlon - I don't like swimming either. Many thanks for the inspiration :-). Have a great day Karen.

[Karen]

Ok, long time lurker of your blog... just wanted to say that you look fantastic and I'm totally inspired/jealous that you are stepping up and rocking it!! Good for you. Muffin top or not you look fabulous! :)

[Jennifer]

Go, Karen. That's awesome!! And you are FAST!

[Monica]

KR....
I think I am going to go out and buy some new running shoes. I could really use a new focus too.

[Jeannine]

Congratulations Karen - that is awesome!

[PattyL]

You don't sound annoyingly anything. I love the way you summed that all up. So glad you can look back on working at it and see your accomplishments.

[Shannon]

Way to go Karen! That is an awesome accomplishment!!

[Ann]

You GO GIRL!!! BTW to look at that picture I would have thought it was the beginning of the race, not an hour and a half+ and almost 10 miles into it! You look fantastic. You should be proud of yourself.

[misha leigh]

CONGRATULATIONS! I see nothing but beauty in that photo of you! And hear it in the glow of your words. I am so impressed!

[gina f.]

way to go Karen!!

[melina]

You are a good Example of Perseverance! Your kids must be really Proud!
:)

[Melanie]

Yay Karen!!! This is an awesome accomplishment! I'm so impressed and inspired!

[Sara Mangan]

Way to go!! It is amazing how good running can make you feel.
BTW, you look great in the picture. I don't even look that good when I start running.

[Addie]

Yay for you Karen! You look great! Congrats!

[Melissa]

Good for you for stepping out of your comfort zone (in more ways the one!). Congratulations on your run!

[Kathy C.]

YAHOO..great job Karen!!! I just got my walking gait analyzed and I'm the proud owner of my new walking/running buddy Brooks (my new shoes)....I'm doing a 1/2 marathon in Vancouver, WA on Father's Day...thank you for your inspiration and keep going..YOU ROCK!!!! ;)

[Alaina]

You look great in this photo Karen! Way to go - you should be VERY proud of yourself!!
Congratulations!

[Kim]

YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!!! I've been running for almost a year & still struggle to run a complete 5k w/o stopping/walking. You have inspired me to push harder on my run tonight! thanks for the honest post

[dawn]

fantastic job! doesn't it feel good to make those strides toward actually doing something you once thought impossible and then crushing through it? and fitness is definitely something that doesn't have just one look - all shapes and sizes can be fit, that is for sure! but way to go...you look great, and how wonderful to feel great too!

[Tracy]

Congratulations Karen!! That is awesome!! For that pic being at the end of the race...you look great!!! I'm so happy for you.