My life...just not on the road I expected (but it's still dang good).

Want a spot in class?

I just checked this morning and there's exactly 581 people on the waitlist for my online photography class.  When I designed the class, I figured I'd teach it a time or two and that would be the end of it.  I never thought there would be 581 people waiting to take it (in addition to the 687 people who have already taken it).

It's crazy (and wonderful).

So I want to give away a spot in class.

And without sounding all cheesy and sappy, I just want to say thanks for all the comments, feedback, encouragement and stories that all of you have left here over the last 3 1/2 years.

Those few mean, cranky, nasty comments that were posted kind of sucked (but I got over it).

The giveaway is not for the people who left cranky comments though, it's  just those who has been nice or funny or kind or giving or informative or courageous or heartfelt.

Ok, I don't want to exclude anyone, so I guess it's for the people who left mean, cranky, nasty comments too...but only if they've had a change of heart and are going to be nice now.

So leave a comment here if you want a spot in the class (you get to pick the class date that works best for you).  And I'll use a random number generator to pick the winner sometime on Friday.

Have a great day.

Oh, and a picture of Courtney (fishface) Downs...

 

Bootcamp.

Continuing education is a high priority to me.

When I was a dental hygienist, I was lucky that most of the doctors I worked for considered it a high priority too (even better; they were willing to pay for it).

I'm mostly self-taught as a photographer but I did take a couple of workshops a few years back.  Unfortunately, those workshops weren't all that great which kind of turned me off of workshops for awhile.

But since I started teaching photography classes, I've really felt like I needed to jump back into some continuing education because I really believe that becoming a great photographer is a 'process' not an 'accomplishment'.

If I wanted to continue shooting the way I shoot now, I could just keep doing what I'm doing.  But I don't want to keep shooting the way I shoot now.  I want to shoot better and am willing to work  outside of my comfort zone in order to do so.  I can even accept the fact that working outside of my comfort zone often means that I have to be willing to temporarily become a worse photographer in order to permanently become a better photographer.

I'd heard about Kevin Kubota's Bootcamp awhile back.  I just had a tough getting onboard because of the price (Josh Downs had an even tougher time getting onboard with the price).  I also had a tough time committing to taking a full week off of work in order to attend.

The selling points for me though were that it was driving distance from where I live (so I wouldn't have to pay airfare), that the price included all of my meals and accommodations, that the class focused heavily on editing in Adobe Lightroom 2 (a program I've been wanting to learn), that the instructor is one of the best wedding photographers in the country (if I ever shot professionally, I'd want to shoot weddings) and that I'd heard great reviews of the course.

Oh...and that it's a tax write-off.

So I signed up (and am glad I did).

I don't expect a workshop to revolutionize the way I shoot because I've been shooting long enough to be pretty happy with the way I shoot.  I'm just looking for insight and a different perspective and some new things to try and some confirmation on what I think I'm doing right and some direction on what I think I'm doing wrong and someone to bounce some questions off of and something that kind of lights a fire in me and to see things through someone else's creative eye.

And it did all of those things.

Lots of business management information (which I tried follow even though it really just pertained to those who were shooting professionally), some really emotional, empowering lectures,  some great info. on using flash successfully (though I don't have any plans of using flash), some challenging exercises that really forced me to think creatively, some great guest speakers and tons of info. on using Adobe Lightroom 2 (though the program is still kicking my butt).

And we got to shoot for awhile too...

That's Kevin (instructing the bride on what he wanted her to do).

And though it was hard to shoot simultaneously with a bunch of other photographers (you can't really move around much and there's always someone's head in your way), it was just really cool to see other people shoot; to see what lenses they reached for, to see what viewpoint they shot from, to see how they interacted with the subjects and to talk to them about the settings they chose and why.

And it was really cool to watch the final slideshow in class and to see just how different everyone's images turned out even though we were all shooting the same thing.

Makes me want to sign up for another workshop (if it weren't for that whole 'social awkwardness' thing).

And it wasn't Mike Colon or David Jay that I sat next to at dinner, it was Dane Sanders (you have to watch this video of his - that 2x2 photo with his Dad makes me cry everytime).

Frightened.

I'm socially awkward.  I think I've mentioned that here before but it still seems so surprise people.

I'm not shy.

I'm just socially awkward.

I don't appear socially awkward if I am talking about something I am knowledgeable about (which is pretty much limited to photography, scrapbooking, dental hygiene and the best place to have lunch in Grants Pass) or when I'm repeating something I've rehearsed (which is why I don't appear socially awkward when I'm teaching a class).

Thankfully, I am not socially awkward when I blog (that would suck).

However, I am socially awkward in any situation that involves small-talk with people other than my husband, best friend, Mom, Sister or kids.  And I am incredibly socially awkward if I have to make small-talk with anyone who intimidates me.  And you don't have to be intimidating to intimidate me.

I know where it all stems from...high school (where most of my problems stem from).

Too bad knowing the root cause doesn't do anything to solve the problem.

So I attended a photography workshop last week (will talk about it more this week) and I knew that my social awkwardness was going to be an issue.

Nothing like setting yourself up.

When I got to the lodge, the receptionist mentioned that there was a wine social at 6pm before dinner.  I don't like wine (unless it's a twist top Boone's Farm) and I don't like socializing (because I'm socially awkward) so I skipped the wine social not really taking into account that it would mean all of my classmates would have gotten to know eachother while socializing over wine prior to dinner.

So when I walked into the room for dinner, everyone was already standing in little circles socializing (which intimidated me).

And of course, they were all professional photographers (so I was already intimidated).

And then when I sat down for dinner, they guy next to me asked me what kind of photography I do.  I told him that I wasn't a professional photographer and that I just photographed my kids.

And then, because I'm socially awkward, I blurted out something about being a scrapbooker.  And then I felt even more intimidated because us scrapbookers know how easy it is to feel embarrassed for loving a hobby like scrapbooking.

And then he started talking about how he was a wedding photographer in Orange County and that he was friends with all my favorite wedding photographers in the whole world (Nate, Jessica, Jasmine, Jose, etc.). And then his really cute wife popped in to mention that he writes photography books too.

Intimidating.

And then he asked me a few more questions and was apparently quick to catch onto my lack of self-confidence because he called me on it.

Turns out that on top of being a professional wedding photographer, hanging in all the cool social crowds and writing books, that he is also an accomplished speaker who lectures on things like empowering yourself.

Something I might need to work on.

So the whole week kind of went like that for me.  Lots of nice people.  Lots of nice conversations in which I tried really hard not to appear socially awkward, lots of nights when I considered skipping dinner in lieu of eating room service and watching cable T.V. (there was a Jon & Kate plus 8 marathon on) and lots of telephone conversations with my husband spent agonizing over my social awkwardness.

Josh Downs says I'm like a rock in a blender.

Kind of true.

Early in the week, the instructor asked us all to write down an emotion on a piece of paper and then to fold it up and to start passing it around the room.  The emotion written on whatever piece of paper we ended up with when we were told to stop passing around our papers turned out to be our assignment.

We had to take a photo that depicted that word.

Appropriately enough, I ended up with the word 'frightened'.

It didn't take me long to figure out how I should document the word (I was just kind of frightened to actually document it)...

So I stood outside the lunchroom one day where everyone was socializing and prayed that no one would see me taking this shot (because that might feel a little socially awkward).

And when this shot showed up in the slideshow on the last night of class, I just kind of held my breath for a minute.

Somehow, blogging it just doesn't feel so frightening though.

Home.

Being away always makes me so appreciative of everyone and everything waiting for me back at home.

And seeing this in the driveway when I pulled up made me even more appreciative.

Was at a workshop all last week.  Planning to share lots about that later, but for now, I've got a mountain of work to start plowing through.

One thing I did want to share though...

I took this shot with a Lensbaby Composer.  The guy (Craig) who invented the Lensbaby was at the workshop.  He's a wedding photographer out of Portland, Oregon who's Dad was a mechanical engineer (hence his engineer-like mind).  We got some time to talk one night at dinner - really cool to hear the whole story.

It's kind of hard to explain in just a paragraph, but I shoot a lot of pictures with a shallow depth of field which allows me to have my subject in focus, while everything in the foreground and background is out of focus.  With traditional lenses, anything on the same plane as your subject will be in focus when shooting with a shallow depth of field.  With the Lensbaby, even things on the same plane as your subject are out of focus.

You can get some really cool effects with it (there's some images here on their site) so I'm looking forward to getting some time to shoot with mine a bit more.  It's a manual focus lens so I probably won't be using it much when I'm shooting fast-moving kiddos but I've already got some cool ideas for it.

And if you've taken my online photography workshop (past/present/future) I'm working on getting a discount for you all (will keep you posted).

So glad to be home.

I really am going this time...

I know...I said I was leaving...and I am...but not until tomorrow (Sunday morning).

Just hanging out with the girls today, packing up and trying to get caught up with my email before I head out of town.  Josh has guard duty, Ross is with his friend Mitchell and Coley is at my Mom's.  So it's just us girls.

We picked up some icrecream from Dairy Queen earlier but when we got home, Annie decided that she'd rather have a peanut butter sandwich (sans jelly) instead.

So in a nutshell, she choose organic peanut butter on a slice of nine grain bread over cookie dough and vanilla icecream swirled into a cold, tasty, satisfying treat.

Courtney Lee and I know better.

And that's Annie (with a mouth full of peanut butter sandwich) talking about how good her peanut butter sandwhich is.

Will be gone.

Will be gone all of next week (and you know when I'm gone, I don't blog).

But I saved something that I didn't post along with the BBQ pictures yesterday...

High-Five?

And then she psyched out Andy, the cute, fence-hopping neighbor kid who's now a permanent fixture in our backyard.

And I love the long, adjustable waistband sticking out from her pants ( she's only in the 15th percentile for height and weight...adjustable waistbands are a must).

Back on the 27th.

Ross's 17th.

Ross turned 17 last weekend.

And as I'm sure you might have guessed, we celebrated it with a BBQ at the new, old house.

Grandma Jo, Grandpa Tom and Courtney Lee (love this shot).

My sister and Annie (Annie insists on calling her 'mommy's sissy' instead of 'auntie').

Josh's Grandpa Leroy (and that's Cali's mom in the black turtleneck).

Baby Brooke showing off her new Easter clip-on earrings.

Grandma Misty with Annie, some of Ross's friends, Maddie (Cali's sister) and Cali.

My Aunt Alicia, my Mom, Rudy and Grandma Bev.

My Sister and cousin Shelley (you may not recognize Shell since she's smiling...normally she just makes faces when she sees the camera).

The backside of the new, old house (and Annie with an Easter basket on her head).

Coley and Cash (Cali's little brother).

Misti (AKA; Jenny from the Block) and Tater.

Please overlook the sour look on Jenny's face (but check out what a skinny-chick she is these days).

Lovely girl.

More of the lovely girl and her Dad.

This is the neighbor-kid, Andy.  We found him in our yard one day (he's only 3 but climbed the chain link fence without his Dad knowing) and has been hanging out with us ever since.

Maddie with Annie and the cute neighbor-kid, Andy who hopped the fence one day and is now a permanent fixture in our yard.

And then there was cake (actually, abnormally large cupcakes from Costco).

Josh made his candles read '71' instead of '17' (which is better than the time he showed up with a 'Happy 4th Birthday Courtney' cake on Courtney's 5th birthday).

Ross and Evan (Cali's little sister).

Ross (being a smarty) and Cash (Cali's family has four kids too).

The neighbor-kids Dad hopped the fence to join the party too.

And then Josh and Jamey tackled the birthday boy to give him a birthday spanking (Coley jumped in to save his brother and Josh's mom jumped in to give Jamey a wedgie).

And then Shell tackled Coley.

And then there was football.

And then Ross smashed an abnormally large Costco cupcake on Uncle Jamey's face.

And then he ran (because Uncle Jamey is big) and hopped the fence into the neighbors yard (which is only fair since they hop the fence into our yard all the time).

Sad foreveeeeeever.

Ok, I'm not smart enough to figure out how to include a song in my post so go play this and then come right back (while the song is still playing)...

A few weeks ago, this song came on the radio while Annie and I were driving.  I happened to look in the rearview mirror to check on her and saw her face all scrunched up with tears rolling down her cheeks.

When I asked her what was wrong she started wailing, "That song makes me saaaaaaad....it makes me sad foreeeeeever."

So now, everytime that song comes on the radio (and  just about any other sad song too), I jump to turn it off before she hears it.

In fact, we were at an Italian restaurant a couple of weeks ago when Annie broke down sobbing (loud enough to make a scene) over some somber Italian opera number playing in the background.

I'm a girl...yet raising girls still baffles me.

Easter pictures.

I take lots of lousy pictures.

That's just the way it goes sometimes when you're documenting your families lives though.  Sometimes your families life takes place in lousy lighting.  Sometimes it takes place with distracting backgrounds.  Sometimes  it takes place with uncooperative subjects.  And sometimes, you just can't move quick enough to get the shot.

That's just the risk we all assume in shooting our everyday lives candidly.

I lose sight of this sometimes and allow myself to feel pressured by it, feeling like every shot has to be stellar. 

Every shot CAN'T be stellar though (that's just how it goes with photography).

My Easter shots weren't all that fantastic.  I even considered NOT posting them.  But in the end, I am just a mom.  A mom who's main objective is more about documenting the best quality memories in our life than my best quality photos.

So I dedicate what are the very best of my lousy Easter photos to all you gals who struggled with your own Easter photos...

Painting Easter eggs (I actually love this shot).  Courtney decided to write on her face with a permanent marker and Annie thought the little Paws Easter egg dye tabs were candy (which is why her mouth is dyed blue).

Misti with Tater-Tot and Brooke. (And you can see that our white picket fence is missing a post -it's actually a cheap, plastic fence that loses a post or two anytime Josh starts throwing balls at the kids.)

Have you noticed that Ross wasn't around for any of the Easter festivities?...I'm not even going to get started on that.

Annie was stealing loot out of Courtney Lee's basket while she wasn't looking

And when I decided to get a few shots of the little kids together before church, this is what they gave me.

Hope your Easter was great and your shots were too (but if they weren't, it's ok).

It's been a long time...

It's been a long time since I scrapbooked and I've been wondering & worrying about when/if I was going to scrapbook again.  But I was asked to work on a project for the Creative Therapy blog which gave me the perfect opportunity to break in the new scrapbook room that I've been working on over at the new, old house.

And I was happy to find out that I still love scrapbooking.

The prompt for the page was to document my biggest mistake (of which I had plenty to choose from).

Not the easiest journaling in the world to make public but here it goes (that picture was taken back in 1989):

My teenage years hurt. I made a lot of mistakes. I sold myself short. I let other people determine my self-worth. I wasn’t true to myself. I hurt people. I let people hurt me. I didn’t stand for the things I believed in. I wasted my potential. And at the time, it felt as if it all played out for the whole wide world to see.

 

I just turned 36. But it’s all still there, playing over and over again in both my waking thoughts and in the worst of my dreams. Fresh like it just happened.

 

I’ve heard woman say that their forties are the best years of their lives. That in their forties, they finally had a sense of their true worth and that they finally came to peace with all those past hurts. And maybe that is why my late thirties are proving to be so uncomfortable. Maybe taking a microscope to all those tender things is the only way to finally recognize them for what they are.

 

I’ve always been quick to forgive - maybe too quick at times. I just never realized that forgiveness could be extended to myself.

 

I couldn’t ignore it if I wanted to. This sort of painful evolution going on in me. And though my gut instinct is to try to keep it at bay, there’s this part of me that understands why I have to see it through. Because this whole process was what God had intended all along.

 

All of it.

 

Ironically, I was sent an email that had the WRONG prompt on it...the prompt was actually supposed to be 'What makes you laugh'.

You can see the entire post and all of the other great projects related to this (the ones with the CORRECT prompt) over at Creative Therapy (thanks gals for asking me to be a part of this).